This whole week I have done much better emotionally then I ever imagined I could do.
But yesterday (3-26-10) it all just hit me and I had a really hard day.
Somethings in NICU have happened and none of them I guess you could say are huge things but to a new mom who cant even take her babies home yet, those little things are a really big deal.
We call several times during the night when we are not up there to check on the girls and every time we are told they are fine there have been no changes.
Well yesterday morning Rick called and he was told just that, no changes. Well when we get there that afternoon to see the girls I walk over to Molly and Rick walks over to Emma. As soon as he walked up to her he walked right back over to me and said "Emma has a huge knot on her head"
Of course I panic and run over there and yes, she does. A very big knot. Rick calls the nurse over to ask her about and she said that the nurse practioner would have to come talk to us about it. She said it would be about 5 minutes. That was the longest 5 minutes of our lives. We both just looked at eachother and then looked at Emma and then looked back at each other again. We were horrified. Especially since the day before we were told they both had slight bleeding on the brain. So Rick and I just correlated the two together.
The nurse came over and explained to us that it is just a cyst that forms during the trauma of delivery for premature babies and it usually goes away after a couple weeks. She said they did an ultra sound on the cyst and it was fine. Nothing serious about it.
Well thats good news. But the thing that really had me emotional that day is that our fears could have been completely avoided had they TOLD us when we called to check on the girls that there was a knot there but to not be alarmed there was nothing to worry about. You know?
But instead we are just told everything is fine, there are no changes.
There WAS a change. And I just feel like since NICU is already scary for moms that they should avoid all possible fears by filling you in on information such as there is a knot on your baby's head. So when you get there and see it unexpectedly you dont have a melt down.
The day before this on (3-25-10)
I had another tough experience. Visitation hours are closed between 7am and 9am and then again 7pm-9pm due to shift changes.
Well it was coming up on 7pm and Molly was fussy. As long as I was standing there holding her hand or patting her butt she was fine. But the minute I stopped she would start crying again.
Well the nurse that was working with her that day, told me that I had to leave because their shift changes were coming up. I looked at the clock in THEIR Nicu and I still have 5 minutes left with my crying baby. 5 minutes that could have helped her calm down and 5 minutes that could have helped me feel okay about leaving.
The nurse saw my baby crying and she just insisted that I leave. So finally I just told her, "if you want me to leave then you are going to have to fix this, Because i am not leaving my child while she is crying. "
SO the nurse walks over to Molly and starts patting her butt and the minute i turned my back I looked over my shoulder and the nurse was already walking away.
This has been 3 days ago and I still cry thinking or talking about it.
It is so hard being their mommy but not being able to do all the mommy things for them. Especially comfort them when they are sad.
I know in just a few more weeks they will be home with me and I can have things exactly the way I want with them but until then, having someone else put limitations on how to Mommy them is very very hard.
Rick is off this whole weekend and I am so excited because we are going to get to spend almost every waking moment with them.
Everytime we get in the car to head to the hospital my tummy feels up with swarms of butterflies.
Everytime I look at my girls I am in complete awe that these are the faces of the ones that were JUST inside of me a week ago.
It is such a powerful feeling bringing two lives into the world. An even more powerful feeling seeing how healthy and alert they are when Doctors at one point did not even see this in their future.
I look at my baby girls and I see God.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Happy 1 week! 3-26-10
My goodness! I cant believe a whole week has already gone by! In just one week the girls have grown and changed so much. They are so healthy and alert and just perfect!
Holding them is the BEST feeling in the whole world. I am SO ready for them to be home so I can hold them as much as I want without having a nurse telling me my time is up!
Today after it was time for Molly to leave Mommy's arms and go back into her bed I heard the nurse tell Molly she was going to change her diaper. So I asked the nurse to let me do it instead. It was getting late and I was about to leave and Miss Molly is usually pretty fiesty when people bother her. And I did not want her to get upset and start crying making it hard on me to leave. Every night it usually takes me an hour to be able to leave after telling her bye bye. It seems everytime I let go of her finger or stop patting her butt she feels me walking away and begins to cry. This is always hard on me so I always make sure she is content before leaving.
Well I began to change her diaper and between switching from one diaper to the next I felt some thing sprinkle my hand. I said "did you pee pee on me" and I looked down and sure enough drizzle wizzle all over the place. :)
I couldnt wait for Rick to call me on his lunch break so I could tell him about it. He laughed so hard. Which always makes me laugh even harder.
Here is a picture of my beatiful girls on their one week birthday!
Holding them is the BEST feeling in the whole world. I am SO ready for them to be home so I can hold them as much as I want without having a nurse telling me my time is up!
Today after it was time for Molly to leave Mommy's arms and go back into her bed I heard the nurse tell Molly she was going to change her diaper. So I asked the nurse to let me do it instead. It was getting late and I was about to leave and Miss Molly is usually pretty fiesty when people bother her. And I did not want her to get upset and start crying making it hard on me to leave. Every night it usually takes me an hour to be able to leave after telling her bye bye. It seems everytime I let go of her finger or stop patting her butt she feels me walking away and begins to cry. This is always hard on me so I always make sure she is content before leaving.
Well I began to change her diaper and between switching from one diaper to the next I felt some thing sprinkle my hand. I said "did you pee pee on me" and I looked down and sure enough drizzle wizzle all over the place. :)
I couldnt wait for Rick to call me on his lunch break so I could tell him about it. He laughed so hard. Which always makes me laugh even harder.
Here is a picture of my beatiful girls on their one week birthday!
They are Here!!!
Mommy holding Molly for the 1st time
Daddy holding Emma for the 1st time
Love my perfect family!!
I know so many of you have been anxious for updates and pictures and I do apologize for the delay. But what can I say? I have so much going on AND my computer has a virus so I have only had internet access when I have been around others with lap tops.
Here is an update:
The last week of my pregnancy I developed pre-eclampsia. For those who dont know, it is when the mothers blood pressure is so high that it can not provide proper blood supply to the baby.
In my case this was especially dangerous because of the TTTS the babies were already getting an inadequate blood supply.
For several weeks their TTTS remained stable but when it came back it came back hard. Emma lost over one pound in utero in just a day and Molly's body started to retain so much of the fluid that was in her sac. When she was born she was so swollen from all the fluid and Emma was so boney from losing so much weight.
I definitley feel that God saved them by having them come so early. It just was not safe for them to be inside me any longer.
Today they are both pretty equal in their weights and they look so much healthier today then they did a week ago.
I cant beleive my girls are already a week old. Somebody pinch me???
By the Grace of God i was able to deliver my girls naturally and I am SO thankful for this. Giving birth was the most amazing experience and I would love to relive that moment!
My labor progressed very quickly once my water broke.
I went from 4 cm to 9cm with in an hour.
It only took 2o minutes of pushing. The girls were one minute apart.
It took several days but now we are able to hold them and love on them and I absolutely love every second with each of them.
Rick and I spend almost every waking moment with them. And when we arent up there with them we are calling to check on them. We are so anxious for them to get well so they can come home!
An update on the girls alone is that Both girls are doing simply amazing and so far have no serious complications. God has been so gracious to us and I am thankful every second for Him keeping His hands over our girls.
Things could be so much worse than they are but infact they are so much better.
And I know its ONLY because of God keeping my girls in the palm of His hand.
Molly and Emma still have jaundice. Molly's was worse than Emma's so while Emma only needed one light for her treatment Molly needs two plus a billy blanket.
Their Billy Rubin ( dont even know that i spelled that correctly, its late and im tired) levels seem to be improving.
Molly has a heart valve that has not completely closed yet. When all babies are born this PDA valve closes when they take their first breath. Molly's still has a slight opening. It is common in premature babies but Emma did not have this. So my guess is that Molly's couldnt close due to all the extra fluid build up around her heart. The Dr's say that her opening is very small and they expect it to close over time.
Both girls have feeding tubes and have recentley started on breast milk through their tubes. They seem to be having a hard time digesting this as their bowels arent quite sure what to do with the food, so they are being watching closely with this.
They had a head ultra sound done yesterday morning and there was found to be a grade 1 of bleeding on their brain cavity. Again, this is said to be common in preemies and the bleeding has stopped so now it is just a bruise that should go away over time. They will be re-tested next Thursday to make sure that it is infact just a bruise and there is no continual bleeding going on.
Molly has lost all of the excess fluid her little body had obtained so that is good news. And Emma's body has reacted well to her blood transfusion so they do not foresee her needing another one.
Emma and Molly are both breathing 100% on their own and need no more assistance with oxygen.
They already have their own little personalities and I am just amazed by them every second of the day.
Sorry that I could not upload any more pics than this. It is late and this lap top is taking FOREVER to download. So I hope this keeps you satisfied until next time. :)
Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. All of you have been such a blessing and testimony to Rick and I.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Meeting them for the 1st time 3-20-10
Meeting Emma
Meeting Molly
When we entered NICU it was me rick my mom and dad.
Walking into the doors I felt overwhelemed because the babies were in 2 different rooms and I didnt know which room to go to first. I did NOT want to feel like i was choosing one over the other.
Thankfully the choice was made for me. The lady at the check in desk told me that the nurses were busy with Emma and that I would need to go see Molly.
So we walk in to see Molly and I just cried. There she was. My little baby girl who I waited and prayed so hard for. I opened up the door on her bed, held her hand, and just talked to her as if she could understand every word I was saying.
I then walked over to the next room to meet Miss Emma. The nurse was still at her bed side but I was able to still go up and see her.
She was so tiny and looked so sick almost but yet so perfect and beautiful. She had no weight to her face at all. My heart just broke for her. I sat down in a chair next to her bed and she wrapped her little hand around my finger and we just silently bonded.
Meeting them both was so sureal.
Emma since birth has a whole new healthier look to her. And so does Molly. Molly has lost over a pound all of which was the extra fluid build up inside her little body. She looks like a totally different baby. They both do. They are so strong and healthy now and nothing is really holding them back.
God is so wonderful.
Meeting Molly
When we entered NICU it was me rick my mom and dad.
Walking into the doors I felt overwhelemed because the babies were in 2 different rooms and I didnt know which room to go to first. I did NOT want to feel like i was choosing one over the other.
Thankfully the choice was made for me. The lady at the check in desk told me that the nurses were busy with Emma and that I would need to go see Molly.
So we walk in to see Molly and I just cried. There she was. My little baby girl who I waited and prayed so hard for. I opened up the door on her bed, held her hand, and just talked to her as if she could understand every word I was saying.
I then walked over to the next room to meet Miss Emma. The nurse was still at her bed side but I was able to still go up and see her.
She was so tiny and looked so sick almost but yet so perfect and beautiful. She had no weight to her face at all. My heart just broke for her. I sat down in a chair next to her bed and she wrapped her little hand around my finger and we just silently bonded.
Meeting them both was so sureal.
Emma since birth has a whole new healthier look to her. And so does Molly. Molly has lost over a pound all of which was the extra fluid build up inside her little body. She looks like a totally different baby. They both do. They are so strong and healthy now and nothing is really holding them back.
God is so wonderful.
Delivery 3-19-10
Before pushing...
After the last push
We get into the O.R and the first thing I asked was where is the NICU team? I did not want to push before they were there. It was just a matter of minutes and there was a team there for each baby.
My nurse was on one side holding my hand, My OB doctor was on the other side holding my other hand, Rick was behind me holding my head and then DR G was the one delivering.
As the contractions became even closer together I had to start pushing. Thank goodness for my Dr and Nurse there to coach me through it otherwise I would have been lost and fearful at the same time.
As each contraction started I had to take a deep breath and push with all I had while my OB Dr counted to ten. She counted to ten 3 times then to 5 once and then I was able to breathe before my next contraction.
Evenutally my contractions got so close I had no time to even breathe in between the counts.
Molly was turned side ways so she was making it a little difficult for me but I felt like I was pushing with all I had. Apparently I needed to give it a little more umph. I heard DR G ask someone to hand him the vaccum and I screamed..."No No No, I got this"
So he says okay Erika, Big push, you gotta give me a BIG push, we gotta get this baby out. Come on, PUSH"
SO with everything in me I Pushed and I hear my nurse and OB doctor say look look Erika here she comes. So I looked down and out little Miss Molly came. 10:48 pm 4lbs 2oz. I glanced back at Rick and He is crying like a baby and I am off to push again.
It only took one minute to push Miss Emma out. She tried to come out hands first. Rick said it was as if she were grabbing on to Molly's feet saying "wait for me" haha. When I looked down and saw her fall out I was joyful relieved and sad at the same time.
It was all over. My pregnancy, My TTTS, Complete Bed rest, hospital stays, amnio reductions, ultra sounds,feeling them move and grow inside of me, all of it was over.
Neither baby came out crying. But when we finally heard their 1st cry, Rick looked at me and said with such relief in his voice "she's crying" and then he continues to cry.
The nicu team gave us a quick glance as they took them off to nicu but they were laying in their isolettes and had stuff all over their face and I was laying completely opposite from where I could see them, so I really didnt see the girls other then when they were making their entrance into the world.
It took 20 minutes to push them both out. Which to me I deserve brownie points! haha It takes some women hours to push out just one. :)
Emma weighed 2lbs 13oz.
This was hard to hear and at the same time a blessing to hear. Just the day before they estimated their weights and Molly was born pretty much right on what they estimated her to be but within one day Emma lost a whole pound.
I knew that Friday March 19th was the day that my girls HAD to come. And while I was asking the DR to just take them for me, God confirmed it needed to be done by allowing my water to break on its own.
My preeclampsia and TTTS was just too much for the girls to take anymore.
Emma was loosing weight fast and Molly was retaining a whole lot of fluid under her skin and around her organs.
Even in just one week it is amazing how much different and healthier they look. Molly has lost all her extra fluid and Emma has a healthier weight gain look to her.
I am so glad that I was able to deliver them naturally. Besides walking down the aisle to meet my groom, it truly was the best thing ever to me.
I feel so accomplished. Especially because so many thought that because i was so tiny i couldnt do it. But I really did...:)
If I could go through the delivery all over again I would!
It wasnt near as hard as I had always imagined labor and delivery to be.
For me it was easy.
Once my water broke everything was smoothe sailing.
God gave me such a wonderful delivery experience to make up for the very hard pregnancy that I had, I am convinced. :)
After recovery they moved me back to my room and at this point no one had seen the babies yet. I was not able to go down there until I could walk and the epidural had not completely worn off yet. Not too mention I broke out with awful shakes and my temperture began to rise. It was near 102 and my blood pressure was insanely high. So I pretty much accepted that it would be the next day before I was allowed to see the babies.
I did not want Rick to have to wait. So I told him to go up to NICU and see them. He took the family with him. I was sad that everyone that was there got to see my girls before me but when they came back down Rick told me that because he got to see them first he wanted me to be the first to touch them. So he would not let anyone touch them, he didnt even touch them. Isnt he just a thoughtful husband?
I ended up needing to be on oxygen that night because I began wheezing and couldnt keep my oxygen level up. Thankfully that scare didnt last long.
The next day could not come fast enough. I was SO ready to meet my girls!!!!
After the last push
We get into the O.R and the first thing I asked was where is the NICU team? I did not want to push before they were there. It was just a matter of minutes and there was a team there for each baby.
My nurse was on one side holding my hand, My OB doctor was on the other side holding my other hand, Rick was behind me holding my head and then DR G was the one delivering.
As the contractions became even closer together I had to start pushing. Thank goodness for my Dr and Nurse there to coach me through it otherwise I would have been lost and fearful at the same time.
As each contraction started I had to take a deep breath and push with all I had while my OB Dr counted to ten. She counted to ten 3 times then to 5 once and then I was able to breathe before my next contraction.
Evenutally my contractions got so close I had no time to even breathe in between the counts.
Molly was turned side ways so she was making it a little difficult for me but I felt like I was pushing with all I had. Apparently I needed to give it a little more umph. I heard DR G ask someone to hand him the vaccum and I screamed..."No No No, I got this"
So he says okay Erika, Big push, you gotta give me a BIG push, we gotta get this baby out. Come on, PUSH"
SO with everything in me I Pushed and I hear my nurse and OB doctor say look look Erika here she comes. So I looked down and out little Miss Molly came. 10:48 pm 4lbs 2oz. I glanced back at Rick and He is crying like a baby and I am off to push again.
It only took one minute to push Miss Emma out. She tried to come out hands first. Rick said it was as if she were grabbing on to Molly's feet saying "wait for me" haha. When I looked down and saw her fall out I was joyful relieved and sad at the same time.
It was all over. My pregnancy, My TTTS, Complete Bed rest, hospital stays, amnio reductions, ultra sounds,feeling them move and grow inside of me, all of it was over.
Neither baby came out crying. But when we finally heard their 1st cry, Rick looked at me and said with such relief in his voice "she's crying" and then he continues to cry.
The nicu team gave us a quick glance as they took them off to nicu but they were laying in their isolettes and had stuff all over their face and I was laying completely opposite from where I could see them, so I really didnt see the girls other then when they were making their entrance into the world.
It took 20 minutes to push them both out. Which to me I deserve brownie points! haha It takes some women hours to push out just one. :)
Emma weighed 2lbs 13oz.
This was hard to hear and at the same time a blessing to hear. Just the day before they estimated their weights and Molly was born pretty much right on what they estimated her to be but within one day Emma lost a whole pound.
I knew that Friday March 19th was the day that my girls HAD to come. And while I was asking the DR to just take them for me, God confirmed it needed to be done by allowing my water to break on its own.
My preeclampsia and TTTS was just too much for the girls to take anymore.
Emma was loosing weight fast and Molly was retaining a whole lot of fluid under her skin and around her organs.
Even in just one week it is amazing how much different and healthier they look. Molly has lost all her extra fluid and Emma has a healthier weight gain look to her.
I am so glad that I was able to deliver them naturally. Besides walking down the aisle to meet my groom, it truly was the best thing ever to me.
I feel so accomplished. Especially because so many thought that because i was so tiny i couldnt do it. But I really did...:)
If I could go through the delivery all over again I would!
It wasnt near as hard as I had always imagined labor and delivery to be.
For me it was easy.
Once my water broke everything was smoothe sailing.
God gave me such a wonderful delivery experience to make up for the very hard pregnancy that I had, I am convinced. :)
After recovery they moved me back to my room and at this point no one had seen the babies yet. I was not able to go down there until I could walk and the epidural had not completely worn off yet. Not too mention I broke out with awful shakes and my temperture began to rise. It was near 102 and my blood pressure was insanely high. So I pretty much accepted that it would be the next day before I was allowed to see the babies.
I did not want Rick to have to wait. So I told him to go up to NICU and see them. He took the family with him. I was sad that everyone that was there got to see my girls before me but when they came back down Rick told me that because he got to see them first he wanted me to be the first to touch them. So he would not let anyone touch them, he didnt even touch them. Isnt he just a thoughtful husband?
I ended up needing to be on oxygen that night because I began wheezing and couldnt keep my oxygen level up. Thankfully that scare didnt last long.
The next day could not come fast enough. I was SO ready to meet my girls!!!!
Labor 3-19-10
Getting Ready For Delivery...He is just a little excited :-)
Going From The Delivery Room to the Operating Room...ready to PUSH! :)
I am going to post a few seperate posts so you dont get bored to tears reading one really LONG one.
I havent had a chance to blog these memories and I want to do so, so that later on I can look back and remember it all.
Im going to start with my Labor.
If you look back at my posts the Wednesday before I delivered I talked about how I felt i was in labor but the doctors werent convinced because there was no "cervical change"
Well I slept absolutley NONE wednesday night, and come thursday it was the same thing. Same pain, same discomfort, same restlessness and same results...no cervical change.
Well they did an ultra sound on thursday and Molly's fluids jumped up to 15cm..the most it had ever been and Emma was still around 1.9cm if i remember correctly.
This of course concerned me but because Emma still had some fluid there was no rush I guess for them to do an amnio??
Their weights however seemed fine. Emma was at 3lbs 15oz and Molly at 4lbs 6oz.
The pain and discomfort went on throughout the night and I could not sleep for more than 15 min at a time. Eventually it got to where I couldnt even sleep for 5 min. I would lay down and be so exhausted my eyes would shut on their own but then the pain would quickly snap me out of my drowsiness. Because I couldnt sleep, Rick couldnt either. He was constantly rubbing my back, holding me, rubbing my ever so swollen legs and feet, he really tried it all to help me get some relief. Nothing worked.
Friday morning around 5 am I told rick to call my mom. If there is anything she is good at it is being heard. And I wanted my doctors to HEAR Me. I was in LABOR and they wouldnt listen!
Well didnt get my mom so tried again later that afternoon and we got her.
She came to the hospital and with in 30 minutes of being there the Doctor came and saw me to discuss my options.
I kept having the words"deliver" come to my mind. I have been so scared my entire pregnancy of having preemie babies but this time it came over me and I just knew that preemie babies were going to much safer and healthier than babies who stayed inside me.
I knew my body was up to no good, I just couldnt pin point it.
Turns out when Dr G came in the room he informed that my tests results came back and I did infact have pre-eclampsia.
This is dangerous for both the babies and the mom if it gets out of control and mine was pretty outrageous. My blood pressure my whole pregnancy had been 90's over 60's. But this day it was 150's over 100's.
My blood pressure was so high that it could not supply any more blood flow to the babies which is why in one day Emma lost a whole pound.
Had anymore time gone by, she would have had no more weight to lose. She would have been gone. Not to mention, because of the TTTS she was already at a disadvantage of not having enough supply from the placenta to start with.
Anyways, DR G is in the room and suggest doing an amnio. Well I havent slept in over 2 days at this point because i hurt so bad i cant stay still. No way I can lay through an amnio.
I told him I just wanted him to deliver.
He asked me if i realized what I was asking...i was asking for babies who may struggle very hard in NICU if I do this.....medically speaking at 32 weeks yes i guess you could say thats what I was asking for.
But in my mind, I was just asking for my babies to be saved and I KNEW they were declining inside of me.
Dr G asked me if i would be willing to just try an amnio if he gave me an epidural to get through it. Hesitantly I said yes.
Well he walks out of the room to go get set up in labor and delivery for my amnio and right when He walked out I asked Rick to help me stand up because I really needed some relief in my back. So rick bends down and i put my arms around his neck and he slowly helps me stand up. When i stood up, I put my head in his chest and then BAM.
I looked him dead in the eyes, as nonchalant as could be and said...
My water just broke.
He looks down and water is gushing all over his feet and my mom is standing there next to us reminding us that "its okay, its okay"
I looked at Rick and said call my dad, call your mom.
Meanwhile mom ran into the hall to get the dr and about 5 nurses came running in my room. They laid me in the bed and literally ran me while in the bed down the halls to labor and delivery. The whole time my water is still leaking everywhere, pouring off the bed.
Nurses were slip and sliding all through it the entire way to the delivery room.
I get to the room and the nurses pick me up and place me in a clean dry bed but it didnt stay dry long my water was still gushing.
It came to be about a half a gallon of fluid that broke.
I had already dialated to 3-4 cm at this point so it wasnt long after I got into my new room that they came in to give me my epidural.
Looking back, I feel like i handled the labor and the epidural very well. I am a very anxious, panicy person and when i get nervous or scared I shake uncontrollably.
But throughout the entire process, my heart was at ease. And i didnt really ever panic.
I was very fortunate that one of the nurses that I REALLY LOVE was the nurse working that night. So she got to be with me through all this. Which that alone was a God thing because I had JUST thought to myself the day before I really hope that she is the one with me when I go into labor.
During the epidural my nurse held my hands and coached me through the contractions and breathing etc while they were sticking me.
Not long after the epidural kicked in, I felt much relief.
Doctor G came in to discuss if I was going natural or c section. In my heart I wanted natural in my mind i was scared because my OB before being trasferred to Dr G had told me all along C section was safest.
I really loved that OB too. When i found out she wasnt going to be my DR anymore through out my pregnancy I was bummed because I really wanted her to be the one to deliver. Like I said, I am a very nervous anxious person when i am scared and she has always been so great at talking me through things.
Well I told DR G that I needed a few minutes to think on it and so he stepped out the room and when he did my original OB came in all smiles. I was suprised to see her. She told me that she saw DR G in the hall and he told her that I was getting ready to deliver and even though I wasnt her patient anymore she asked him if she could help with my delivery!! What a HUGE blessing! I get my favorite DR and my favorite nurse! I really truly needed that because it really helped keep me calm and focused having them there.
Well I asked her about the natural vs C section thing and she said she only recommened c section at the time because I was high risk and thats what SHE was comfortable doing since she isnt a high risk dr. But since I was having a high risk dr handle my delivery she said to totally be okay with doing it natural because he is far more experienced than she.
So talking to her helped confirm what I wanted all along...we are going natural.
About 30 minutes after the epidural I felt this really strong amount of pressure and told someone to go get the dr. Well he comes in and checks me and says I was at 7cm and it would be about 45 more min...
He walks out the room and maybe 10-15 minutes later I was rushing family out the door to go find him because I really had to push!
he comes in and sure enough...it is time.
Once my water broke my labor took off fast!
Since having twins they still wanted me to deliver in the O.R. incase i needed an emergency c-section everything would be right there. So when they saw it was time for me to push they took my bed and wheeled me into the O.R.
And the fun begins...
Going From The Delivery Room to the Operating Room...ready to PUSH! :)
I am going to post a few seperate posts so you dont get bored to tears reading one really LONG one.
I havent had a chance to blog these memories and I want to do so, so that later on I can look back and remember it all.
Im going to start with my Labor.
If you look back at my posts the Wednesday before I delivered I talked about how I felt i was in labor but the doctors werent convinced because there was no "cervical change"
Well I slept absolutley NONE wednesday night, and come thursday it was the same thing. Same pain, same discomfort, same restlessness and same results...no cervical change.
Well they did an ultra sound on thursday and Molly's fluids jumped up to 15cm..the most it had ever been and Emma was still around 1.9cm if i remember correctly.
This of course concerned me but because Emma still had some fluid there was no rush I guess for them to do an amnio??
Their weights however seemed fine. Emma was at 3lbs 15oz and Molly at 4lbs 6oz.
The pain and discomfort went on throughout the night and I could not sleep for more than 15 min at a time. Eventually it got to where I couldnt even sleep for 5 min. I would lay down and be so exhausted my eyes would shut on their own but then the pain would quickly snap me out of my drowsiness. Because I couldnt sleep, Rick couldnt either. He was constantly rubbing my back, holding me, rubbing my ever so swollen legs and feet, he really tried it all to help me get some relief. Nothing worked.
Friday morning around 5 am I told rick to call my mom. If there is anything she is good at it is being heard. And I wanted my doctors to HEAR Me. I was in LABOR and they wouldnt listen!
Well didnt get my mom so tried again later that afternoon and we got her.
She came to the hospital and with in 30 minutes of being there the Doctor came and saw me to discuss my options.
I kept having the words"deliver" come to my mind. I have been so scared my entire pregnancy of having preemie babies but this time it came over me and I just knew that preemie babies were going to much safer and healthier than babies who stayed inside me.
I knew my body was up to no good, I just couldnt pin point it.
Turns out when Dr G came in the room he informed that my tests results came back and I did infact have pre-eclampsia.
This is dangerous for both the babies and the mom if it gets out of control and mine was pretty outrageous. My blood pressure my whole pregnancy had been 90's over 60's. But this day it was 150's over 100's.
My blood pressure was so high that it could not supply any more blood flow to the babies which is why in one day Emma lost a whole pound.
Had anymore time gone by, she would have had no more weight to lose. She would have been gone. Not to mention, because of the TTTS she was already at a disadvantage of not having enough supply from the placenta to start with.
Anyways, DR G is in the room and suggest doing an amnio. Well I havent slept in over 2 days at this point because i hurt so bad i cant stay still. No way I can lay through an amnio.
I told him I just wanted him to deliver.
He asked me if i realized what I was asking...i was asking for babies who may struggle very hard in NICU if I do this.....medically speaking at 32 weeks yes i guess you could say thats what I was asking for.
But in my mind, I was just asking for my babies to be saved and I KNEW they were declining inside of me.
Dr G asked me if i would be willing to just try an amnio if he gave me an epidural to get through it. Hesitantly I said yes.
Well he walks out of the room to go get set up in labor and delivery for my amnio and right when He walked out I asked Rick to help me stand up because I really needed some relief in my back. So rick bends down and i put my arms around his neck and he slowly helps me stand up. When i stood up, I put my head in his chest and then BAM.
I looked him dead in the eyes, as nonchalant as could be and said...
My water just broke.
He looks down and water is gushing all over his feet and my mom is standing there next to us reminding us that "its okay, its okay"
I looked at Rick and said call my dad, call your mom.
Meanwhile mom ran into the hall to get the dr and about 5 nurses came running in my room. They laid me in the bed and literally ran me while in the bed down the halls to labor and delivery. The whole time my water is still leaking everywhere, pouring off the bed.
Nurses were slip and sliding all through it the entire way to the delivery room.
I get to the room and the nurses pick me up and place me in a clean dry bed but it didnt stay dry long my water was still gushing.
It came to be about a half a gallon of fluid that broke.
I had already dialated to 3-4 cm at this point so it wasnt long after I got into my new room that they came in to give me my epidural.
Looking back, I feel like i handled the labor and the epidural very well. I am a very anxious, panicy person and when i get nervous or scared I shake uncontrollably.
But throughout the entire process, my heart was at ease. And i didnt really ever panic.
I was very fortunate that one of the nurses that I REALLY LOVE was the nurse working that night. So she got to be with me through all this. Which that alone was a God thing because I had JUST thought to myself the day before I really hope that she is the one with me when I go into labor.
During the epidural my nurse held my hands and coached me through the contractions and breathing etc while they were sticking me.
Not long after the epidural kicked in, I felt much relief.
Doctor G came in to discuss if I was going natural or c section. In my heart I wanted natural in my mind i was scared because my OB before being trasferred to Dr G had told me all along C section was safest.
I really loved that OB too. When i found out she wasnt going to be my DR anymore through out my pregnancy I was bummed because I really wanted her to be the one to deliver. Like I said, I am a very nervous anxious person when i am scared and she has always been so great at talking me through things.
Well I told DR G that I needed a few minutes to think on it and so he stepped out the room and when he did my original OB came in all smiles. I was suprised to see her. She told me that she saw DR G in the hall and he told her that I was getting ready to deliver and even though I wasnt her patient anymore she asked him if she could help with my delivery!! What a HUGE blessing! I get my favorite DR and my favorite nurse! I really truly needed that because it really helped keep me calm and focused having them there.
Well I asked her about the natural vs C section thing and she said she only recommened c section at the time because I was high risk and thats what SHE was comfortable doing since she isnt a high risk dr. But since I was having a high risk dr handle my delivery she said to totally be okay with doing it natural because he is far more experienced than she.
So talking to her helped confirm what I wanted all along...we are going natural.
About 30 minutes after the epidural I felt this really strong amount of pressure and told someone to go get the dr. Well he comes in and checks me and says I was at 7cm and it would be about 45 more min...
He walks out the room and maybe 10-15 minutes later I was rushing family out the door to go find him because I really had to push!
he comes in and sure enough...it is time.
Once my water broke my labor took off fast!
Since having twins they still wanted me to deliver in the O.R. incase i needed an emergency c-section everything would be right there. So when they saw it was time for me to push they took my bed and wheeled me into the O.R.
And the fun begins...
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Almost There...
Im not sure how much longer or how often I will be able to keep everyone updated. It seems my laptop has a terrible virus it takes me 30 tries just to get to one website. I sure hope that it doesnt crash and I end up losing all my files. That would be a nightmare.
Monday night around 9pm I started having really bad back pain. At first I just blamed it on Emma being stuck up under my ribs but then over the course of hours the pain intesified and I just knew it...labor.
I was up all night long and all day the next day literally.
The Doctors came in and tried different remedies to help my contractions and pain stop and none of it worked so Dr Brown came in to check my cervix and it was still 2cm nice and closed. So he gave me some meds for pain and told me to try and rest because contractions without cervical change is just contractions...contractions with cervical change is labor.
Ok Dr B, Ill buy that line for a few hours but then dagum it, I want this pain to stop! The meds he gave me knocked me out for all of maybe an hour or two by this time it was 5am and I have been doing this since 9pm the night before.
So I doze off for a bit then get woke back up with the pain. Called the Dr back in, they checked my cervix again and yep Im in labor. I have already dialated 1cm.
Now I realize that some people dialate at 1cm and sometimes 3 or 4 and stay that way for a while, but really what are the odds with 2 babies inside of me, all the extra fluids, and being almost 32 weeks that I would really stay at 1cm for several weeks?
So they transfered me back over to labor and delivery and hooked me up to magnesium and I had been off that stuff so long that being hooked back up to it is like the first time all over again. Im flush, dry mouth, drowsy, drunk, slightly blurred vision, and lets not even mention the swelling. My right leg and foot imparticular are huge. And I have the hardest time getting in and out of the bed now. I literally have to roll out while someone is helping pull me. And then Roll back in while someone adjusts my legs and by the time I do all that I am completely out of breath.
I have to use the bathroom about every 30 minutes and this is no joke so you can imagine the stress i go through getting in and out of the bed so many times. I am seriously asking the DR to cath me because my body just cant take this. I am sleep deprived from having to pee so much!
For now the magnesium has seemed to slow the contractions. I am still praying for that 34 weeks but honestly I am truly thankful God has brought my girls this far.
A lady here in the middle of the night delivered at 26 weeks and my heart just broke for her. I remember being 26 weeks and how scared I was. She and her baby have been on my mind a lot. Please pray that her baby will become a NICU champ.
When I heard that I was reminded of what someone very dear to me told me not too long ago... " You have a lot to be thankful for. A lot of women cant even carry one baby and God has blessed you with the ability to carry two"
Thank you Mr Murray for that.
Last night when I heard about this other lady, it really made 32 weeks sound not so bad. Not that I want them here this early, but I am thankful that God has allowed them to get to this point. Because it could be a lot worse.
They checked their fluids early this morning...at like 3:30am. See what I mean...NO sleep around here. :)
Molly had 7.8cm and Emma had 2.9
Their fluid levels could be a lot worse so I am thankful for these measurements. Their fluids are staying at a consistency where another amnio is not needed and that is a good thing because I can assure you one more of those things and these babies are coming.
I got to see Emma's face again on the ultra sound. She is just so darn pretty. I get so excited when I get clear pictures of their faces. Molly is head down right now in a way that we cant see her face. But all too soon I will be seeing both their faces pressed against mine while giving them tons of kisses. :)
Please continue to pray that God protects both my girls and that they can enter into the world safely and healthy.
32 weeks tomorrow!!!! YAY! God is able and God is Good!
We are almost there...I cant wait to meet my miracle babies.
Monday night around 9pm I started having really bad back pain. At first I just blamed it on Emma being stuck up under my ribs but then over the course of hours the pain intesified and I just knew it...labor.
I was up all night long and all day the next day literally.
The Doctors came in and tried different remedies to help my contractions and pain stop and none of it worked so Dr Brown came in to check my cervix and it was still 2cm nice and closed. So he gave me some meds for pain and told me to try and rest because contractions without cervical change is just contractions...contractions with cervical change is labor.
Ok Dr B, Ill buy that line for a few hours but then dagum it, I want this pain to stop! The meds he gave me knocked me out for all of maybe an hour or two by this time it was 5am and I have been doing this since 9pm the night before.
So I doze off for a bit then get woke back up with the pain. Called the Dr back in, they checked my cervix again and yep Im in labor. I have already dialated 1cm.
Now I realize that some people dialate at 1cm and sometimes 3 or 4 and stay that way for a while, but really what are the odds with 2 babies inside of me, all the extra fluids, and being almost 32 weeks that I would really stay at 1cm for several weeks?
So they transfered me back over to labor and delivery and hooked me up to magnesium and I had been off that stuff so long that being hooked back up to it is like the first time all over again. Im flush, dry mouth, drowsy, drunk, slightly blurred vision, and lets not even mention the swelling. My right leg and foot imparticular are huge. And I have the hardest time getting in and out of the bed now. I literally have to roll out while someone is helping pull me. And then Roll back in while someone adjusts my legs and by the time I do all that I am completely out of breath.
I have to use the bathroom about every 30 minutes and this is no joke so you can imagine the stress i go through getting in and out of the bed so many times. I am seriously asking the DR to cath me because my body just cant take this. I am sleep deprived from having to pee so much!
For now the magnesium has seemed to slow the contractions. I am still praying for that 34 weeks but honestly I am truly thankful God has brought my girls this far.
A lady here in the middle of the night delivered at 26 weeks and my heart just broke for her. I remember being 26 weeks and how scared I was. She and her baby have been on my mind a lot. Please pray that her baby will become a NICU champ.
When I heard that I was reminded of what someone very dear to me told me not too long ago... " You have a lot to be thankful for. A lot of women cant even carry one baby and God has blessed you with the ability to carry two"
Thank you Mr Murray for that.
Last night when I heard about this other lady, it really made 32 weeks sound not so bad. Not that I want them here this early, but I am thankful that God has allowed them to get to this point. Because it could be a lot worse.
They checked their fluids early this morning...at like 3:30am. See what I mean...NO sleep around here. :)
Molly had 7.8cm and Emma had 2.9
Their fluid levels could be a lot worse so I am thankful for these measurements. Their fluids are staying at a consistency where another amnio is not needed and that is a good thing because I can assure you one more of those things and these babies are coming.
I got to see Emma's face again on the ultra sound. She is just so darn pretty. I get so excited when I get clear pictures of their faces. Molly is head down right now in a way that we cant see her face. But all too soon I will be seeing both their faces pressed against mine while giving them tons of kisses. :)
Please continue to pray that God protects both my girls and that they can enter into the world safely and healthy.
32 weeks tomorrow!!!! YAY! God is able and God is Good!
We are almost there...I cant wait to meet my miracle babies.
Monday, March 15, 2010
31 wks 4 days
I am thankful to say that as for today their fluids are ok enough to where an amnio may not be needed for a couple days.
Emma's fluid was low, at 1.5 cm but Molly's fluid wasn't high enough to where they would do an amnio. She had 6cm.
Emma should always have atleast 2cm so please pray that her fluids come up and that Molly's doesnt. :)
Both of their stomach's and bladders, and hearts looked good. And they are pretty much still measuring on time.
I am 31 weeks 4 days and Molly is measuring 31 weeks 2 days and Emma is measuring 30 weeks 6 days. They are only measuring 3 days apart from eachother.
Got to see Emma face on today during the ultra sound. I must say she is one pretty girl! And of course her sister will look just like her. :)
Please continue to pray for my babies.
Emma's fluid was low, at 1.5 cm but Molly's fluid wasn't high enough to where they would do an amnio. She had 6cm.
Emma should always have atleast 2cm so please pray that her fluids come up and that Molly's doesnt. :)
Both of their stomach's and bladders, and hearts looked good. And they are pretty much still measuring on time.
I am 31 weeks 4 days and Molly is measuring 31 weeks 2 days and Emma is measuring 30 weeks 6 days. They are only measuring 3 days apart from eachother.
Got to see Emma face on today during the ultra sound. I must say she is one pretty girl! And of course her sister will look just like her. :)
Please continue to pray for my babies.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
31 weeks!
Gosh, I cant believe we are already 31 weeks! Every day is surely another miracle for us.
Today we had a baby shower at the hospital. It was a very nice shower I must say. My sister Toni put a lot of work into it and the food was fabulous and the cake was just precious. If I could have put it on display and never had to cut I certainly would have. :) She even coordinated the shower colors, to go with their pink and green nursery. I loved it!
We had a great turn out of wonderful friends who have been so encouraging to us throughout our entire pregnancy. We got so many adorable outfits, and even some necessities like medicines, bottles, wipes, diapers, etc. We were truly blessed.
Now those of you who may be wondering, "Why didnt I get an invite?"
Don't worry you were not forgotten. We are having another shower soon after the girls are born and you can be expecting your invite then.:) We have so many people that love us and have supported us that we would love to invite to our shower so we felt it would just make more sense to have two showers instead. Im sure you all understand!
My great friend Meghan came all the way from NC just to be here today and she just started learning how to sew and she sewed her very first blankets just for my girls!!! She even monogrammed their initials on them!! It was so thoughtful and precious of her. It was surely made with love!
Also, my wonderful friend Trish who is also expecting her first baby came from Simpsonville to be here today. She has been reading our blog religiously, and she printed out every single blog I have ever posted in regards to our journey and made a GORGEOUS scrap book out of it all!! I was so amazed, I really didnt even know what to say or how to say it. It even made Rick choked up.
Gosh, we have some pretty amazing friends and we are so thankful for each of you.
And I have to share this sweet story. My step-dad's wife's little girl, is 12. She had her classmates take up donations for Molly and Emma and all of those sweet kids came together and blessed us with a nice little chunk of change to shop for things our girls need.
We really enjoyed our shower and appreciate all of you that came or sent gifts or stopped in before hand. Everything we recieved was much needed and appreciated. I cant wait for my girls to get here so we can put it all to use!!!
We had an ultra sound yesterday and their fluid levels looked great. As you know, Thursday we had an amnio because Emma had no fluid and Molly had 9.1cm after the amnio was done I stayed in pain the whole day and then the next morning I actually had an episode of labor. For several hours my contractions were 2 min apart and I hurt like the devil.
My grandma in California texts me every morning and asks how I am doing. And when I told her I was contracting, I didnt know but she had called my dad and the next thing I know he and his wife had left work to come up here. It so happens that I was craving a Mc Donalds Biscuit and sweet tea in the midst of all that pain, and without me even saying anything they show up with several different types of Mc Donalds biscuits AND sweet tea. haha So I was quite excited about that!
Shortly after they got here, my IV meds came back from the pharmacy and it didnt take too long and the contractions ceased.
You hear people say that when it comes to your kids you will do ANYthing for them no matter what the cost. Well, I am beginning to learn already what that means.
Before they could give me meds to stop the contractions they had to first check my cervix because my contractions were so close together, they needed to make sure I wasnt in active labor. Well never ever EVER in all my life have I had a male doctor. EVER. And even since I got moved over to the high risks Dr B and Dr G, I have been fortunate enough that all of my exams have been female Dr's.
Well not the case yesterday. Dr B is the one who came in to check my cervix and OMG that was SO hard for me to let him do. I mean, you may not understand because most women dont mind male doctors but for me, this was a pretty big deal. I still cant believe I did it.
Turns out my cervix is still SHUT. Thank God! Dr B was impressed that this was the case considering I am 31 weeks with twins and have gone through 5 amnios.
So maybe My girls will get to make it a couple more weeks after all. Given I dont need another amnio. This last amnio really put it on me.
At anyrate, I started out talking about the girls ultra sound yesterday and then skipped all over. I was going to say that on Thurs their fluids were 0cm and 9.1cm BUT on Friday Emma had went from 0cm to 3cm!! So she was able to gain some. And Molly had 6.8cm
I should be having another ultra sound tmw. I will be suprised if their fluids have changed much because my belly seems pretty soft tonight. But of course that could always change at anytime. But lets just pray!
The day to meet them is getting nearer and nearer. I am so excited. I cant wait to see their faces.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Still Raining...
*further updates at the end of this post*
This morning DR B came in and did an ultra sound. I am thankful that Molly's fluids did not get worse but I am sad that they did not get better either. She had 9.1cm and Emma had none. :(
So they are prepping me for another amnio in just a few. It is 10:45am and Im imagining within the next 30 minutes or so they will be in here. They already have all the supplies in here, staring me in the face. ugh.
They had to move me to a different room then what I was in, in order to do the amnio. When I got wheeled into my new room I cringed because it is the same exact room that I spent the first two weeks of this TTTS journey in. And as soon as I started to think...bad luck of awful flash backs...I then remembered that this is also the same room that God used to break me and to put me back together and it is also the same room i was in when he chose to SAVE my babies.
So maybe this room will hold good things for me today afterall.
I know that many of you have heard this song before
"And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm"
But this morning listening to it trying to prepare my heart for this very stressful procedure a verse in this song stood out to me that has never really hit me before. And when i truly heard it, it brought tears to my eyes.
I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining....
I have prayed and prayed and prayed and given God so much praise for saving my babies, yet it is STILL raining. They are still battling this crummy TTTS and it just breaks my heart!!!
Talking to a dear friend, I asked her WHY. Why is it STILL raining when I have proclaimed LIFE over these girls every day for months now.
She said to me
" It is still raining, but the storm has passed. God has brought you so far from where you were weeks ago"
And she is so right.
Thank you for reminding me of that.
It is still raining, this battle is not over but the storm has passed. The scariest parts of it all are over and day by day God is still protecting my babies.
TTTS is back but it is NOT worse, and it could be. So God still has His hand over my babies.
I am humbled.
Now off to prepare my mind for this amnio reduction. They are so stressful and painful for me. But its all for my girls. Totally worth it. And in just a few weeks they will be in my arms.
I cant wait for that glorious day.
* I posted earlier this morning before my amnio, it is 9pm and I am just now getting to post updates post-amnio because I have been in SO much pain all day.
The amnio itself went great. They were able to get as much fluid off as they wanted
(1600 cc) and they used a different type needle so it allowed the amnio reduction to go much faster. What would normally take about an hour and ten minutes only took 35 minutes. So Im glad that it didnt last as near as long as it normally does.
However, the rapid removal of fluid did cause me to hurt much much longer once the reduction was over.
I am very anti-drugs even when it comes to tylenol because I just dont like the idea of medicating my babies. But when they do these reductions, I take whatever I can get because I hurt more than I can stand. And today they gave me novacaine,valume, and morphine and nothing gave me relief.
The amnio was over around 12:30 and come 4pm the pain had not ceased. They offered me more morphine but I declined. I was already nervous about the meds I had already taken. I didnt want to dope my girls up any more than I already had.
At anyrate, Dr B said that he really feels like this amnio is going to work. He said if it does, then I could definitley get to atleast 34 maybe even 35 weeks. However, he said if it didnt work, he wasnt sure that I would make it that far because the biggger my uterus gets and the more it is irritated by the reductions the bigger the chances for labor or my water breaking.
SO just keep praying for my babies. I would love for them to be able to stay in me as long as possible. HE said that their fluids and premature birth as a result of the amnios are really the only concerns he has. He said both girls are very healthy and are doing wonderful. And so far my body cervix, water, etc...are still in tact so no worries of labor due to that.
This saturday was suppose to be our 4th attempt at a baby shower. But given I am back in the hospital it kinda put a damper on things. But then my sister throwing the shower suggested doing a drop in throughout the course of the day at the hospital so that I could still somewhat get my baby shower.
I talked to the nurse about a drop in and she said that it would be okay but that they had a classroom on this floor that I could use instead so that we could continue on with our actual shower. I was nervous about this because DR B said before that I should be on complete bed rest. So, I declined the classroom and decided to just stick with a drop in so that i could stay laying down in my bed.
But today when talking to DR B he told me that He really wanted me to do my shower in the classroom. He said that I would be okay for an hour or two and that he really wanted me to be able to have fun and enjoy myself and that he could get me propped up somehow if needed.
So I guess we are still having our shower.
I am looking forward to it!
Dr B and Dr H and the nurses told me over and over how proud they were of me and how great I did thru the procedure so half way out of it, I asked Dr B, "why do you keep telling me you are proud of me? What else would I do? The reduction has to be done."
He said yes it had to be done, but you would be suprised at how many women would not let me complete an amnio reduction because they couldnt tolerate the pain.
I said to him "what do you mean, they wouldnt finish it? They wouldnt do it for their baby?"
He said you would be suprised at what a lot of women wouldnt do for their baby. So I am proud of you for going through with it this many times for your babies.
Gosh. What an encouragement. I love my Doctor.
This morning DR B came in and did an ultra sound. I am thankful that Molly's fluids did not get worse but I am sad that they did not get better either. She had 9.1cm and Emma had none. :(
So they are prepping me for another amnio in just a few. It is 10:45am and Im imagining within the next 30 minutes or so they will be in here. They already have all the supplies in here, staring me in the face. ugh.
They had to move me to a different room then what I was in, in order to do the amnio. When I got wheeled into my new room I cringed because it is the same exact room that I spent the first two weeks of this TTTS journey in. And as soon as I started to think...bad luck of awful flash backs...I then remembered that this is also the same room that God used to break me and to put me back together and it is also the same room i was in when he chose to SAVE my babies.
So maybe this room will hold good things for me today afterall.
I know that many of you have heard this song before
"And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm"
But this morning listening to it trying to prepare my heart for this very stressful procedure a verse in this song stood out to me that has never really hit me before. And when i truly heard it, it brought tears to my eyes.
I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining....
I have prayed and prayed and prayed and given God so much praise for saving my babies, yet it is STILL raining. They are still battling this crummy TTTS and it just breaks my heart!!!
Talking to a dear friend, I asked her WHY. Why is it STILL raining when I have proclaimed LIFE over these girls every day for months now.
She said to me
" It is still raining, but the storm has passed. God has brought you so far from where you were weeks ago"
And she is so right.
Thank you for reminding me of that.
It is still raining, this battle is not over but the storm has passed. The scariest parts of it all are over and day by day God is still protecting my babies.
TTTS is back but it is NOT worse, and it could be. So God still has His hand over my babies.
I am humbled.
Now off to prepare my mind for this amnio reduction. They are so stressful and painful for me. But its all for my girls. Totally worth it. And in just a few weeks they will be in my arms.
I cant wait for that glorious day.
* I posted earlier this morning before my amnio, it is 9pm and I am just now getting to post updates post-amnio because I have been in SO much pain all day.
The amnio itself went great. They were able to get as much fluid off as they wanted
(1600 cc) and they used a different type needle so it allowed the amnio reduction to go much faster. What would normally take about an hour and ten minutes only took 35 minutes. So Im glad that it didnt last as near as long as it normally does.
However, the rapid removal of fluid did cause me to hurt much much longer once the reduction was over.
I am very anti-drugs even when it comes to tylenol because I just dont like the idea of medicating my babies. But when they do these reductions, I take whatever I can get because I hurt more than I can stand. And today they gave me novacaine,valume, and morphine and nothing gave me relief.
The amnio was over around 12:30 and come 4pm the pain had not ceased. They offered me more morphine but I declined. I was already nervous about the meds I had already taken. I didnt want to dope my girls up any more than I already had.
At anyrate, Dr B said that he really feels like this amnio is going to work. He said if it does, then I could definitley get to atleast 34 maybe even 35 weeks. However, he said if it didnt work, he wasnt sure that I would make it that far because the biggger my uterus gets and the more it is irritated by the reductions the bigger the chances for labor or my water breaking.
SO just keep praying for my babies. I would love for them to be able to stay in me as long as possible. HE said that their fluids and premature birth as a result of the amnios are really the only concerns he has. He said both girls are very healthy and are doing wonderful. And so far my body cervix, water, etc...are still in tact so no worries of labor due to that.
This saturday was suppose to be our 4th attempt at a baby shower. But given I am back in the hospital it kinda put a damper on things. But then my sister throwing the shower suggested doing a drop in throughout the course of the day at the hospital so that I could still somewhat get my baby shower.
I talked to the nurse about a drop in and she said that it would be okay but that they had a classroom on this floor that I could use instead so that we could continue on with our actual shower. I was nervous about this because DR B said before that I should be on complete bed rest. So, I declined the classroom and decided to just stick with a drop in so that i could stay laying down in my bed.
But today when talking to DR B he told me that He really wanted me to do my shower in the classroom. He said that I would be okay for an hour or two and that he really wanted me to be able to have fun and enjoy myself and that he could get me propped up somehow if needed.
So I guess we are still having our shower.
I am looking forward to it!
Dr B and Dr H and the nurses told me over and over how proud they were of me and how great I did thru the procedure so half way out of it, I asked Dr B, "why do you keep telling me you are proud of me? What else would I do? The reduction has to be done."
He said yes it had to be done, but you would be suprised at how many women would not let me complete an amnio reduction because they couldnt tolerate the pain.
I said to him "what do you mean, they wouldnt finish it? They wouldnt do it for their baby?"
He said you would be suprised at what a lot of women wouldnt do for their baby. So I am proud of you for going through with it this many times for your babies.
Gosh. What an encouragement. I love my Doctor.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Remember
" Remember Your people, Remember Your children, Remember Your promise, Oh God"
I am going to start praying this over my babies. It's lyrics from a Chris Tomlin song called " Grace is Enough" if I was computer savvy enough to figure out how to put the you tube video in this blog I would.
I know that God has not forgotten my babies but its just a big disappointment to me that things seem to be taking us back to where we were 6 weeks ago.
I know that God is not to blame. If anything, I hold me responsible.
Nutrition is one of the few things I can do to help TTTS not be so bad so maybe if I would have eaten better, or laid a certain way more often, or stayed in the hospital longer maybe TTTS would have never came back. Maybe it would have. But the problem is I will never know. So here I am guilty.
I feel like I let my babies down. I let God down. I let me down.
But God is gracious. So my prayer is that He remembers His people ( all of us who have been praying and fighting for these girls) that He will remember His children (these two precious gifts from Him that are growing inside of me) and that He will remember His promise of Grace to all of us and continue to protect my girls.
Now for updates:
Dr B has decided that if the babies fluids do not level out within the next 3 weeks then it will be best to just deliver them. That will put me at 34 weeks.
3 weeks seems like such a short goal to reach so pray that they can reach it.
But if Accute TTTS tends to transpire before then, then of course they will come sooner. And as much as I hate to see them be in NICU so long, I much rather have them in NICU then have TTTS take them from me altogether. It's so scary for me to even type that. But TTTS is no laughing matter. It has unfortunately, claimed the life of many babies and the ones that have made it have had to be born way before 30 weeks so I am counting my blessings that God has allowed my babies to grow in me this long.
There are 3 types of TTTS
Chronic TTTS which is when twins develope TTTS before the age of viability. ( 24wks)
TTTS which is pretty much what we have, usually found between 24-30 weeks.
And then there is Accute TTTS which happens around or after 30 weeks of pregnancy.
Since I am in my 30th week now and TTTS has come back, my prayer is that it is NOT Accute TTTS but just the same TTTS we have been battling all along.
Accute TTTS happens rapidly, fluid build up out of control, and the health of the babies quickly declines often before its even noticed.
So while I would love for my babies to be healthy enough to make it to 34 weeks my ultimate prayer is that God would reveal to me and to Doctors the time to deliver where the babies would be safer outside of me then inside of me.
We had an ultra sound this morning and apparently all that fluid we had removed during the amnio yesterday didnt make the least bit of difference.
Molly had 9.1cm of fluid and Emma only had 1.9cm
So I am still in the hospital and will possibly have to have another amnio done tmw.
Please pray that the babies fluids will stabilize to where another amnio is not needed but if an amnio is needed please pray that it wont cause stress on the babies and that it wont cause me to go into labor if its not the right time for them to be born.
Thank you all for following our story and for thinking of us and calling us and being there for us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I am going to start praying this over my babies. It's lyrics from a Chris Tomlin song called " Grace is Enough" if I was computer savvy enough to figure out how to put the you tube video in this blog I would.
I know that God has not forgotten my babies but its just a big disappointment to me that things seem to be taking us back to where we were 6 weeks ago.
I know that God is not to blame. If anything, I hold me responsible.
Nutrition is one of the few things I can do to help TTTS not be so bad so maybe if I would have eaten better, or laid a certain way more often, or stayed in the hospital longer maybe TTTS would have never came back. Maybe it would have. But the problem is I will never know. So here I am guilty.
I feel like I let my babies down. I let God down. I let me down.
But God is gracious. So my prayer is that He remembers His people ( all of us who have been praying and fighting for these girls) that He will remember His children (these two precious gifts from Him that are growing inside of me) and that He will remember His promise of Grace to all of us and continue to protect my girls.
Now for updates:
Dr B has decided that if the babies fluids do not level out within the next 3 weeks then it will be best to just deliver them. That will put me at 34 weeks.
3 weeks seems like such a short goal to reach so pray that they can reach it.
But if Accute TTTS tends to transpire before then, then of course they will come sooner. And as much as I hate to see them be in NICU so long, I much rather have them in NICU then have TTTS take them from me altogether. It's so scary for me to even type that. But TTTS is no laughing matter. It has unfortunately, claimed the life of many babies and the ones that have made it have had to be born way before 30 weeks so I am counting my blessings that God has allowed my babies to grow in me this long.
There are 3 types of TTTS
Chronic TTTS which is when twins develope TTTS before the age of viability. ( 24wks)
TTTS which is pretty much what we have, usually found between 24-30 weeks.
And then there is Accute TTTS which happens around or after 30 weeks of pregnancy.
Since I am in my 30th week now and TTTS has come back, my prayer is that it is NOT Accute TTTS but just the same TTTS we have been battling all along.
Accute TTTS happens rapidly, fluid build up out of control, and the health of the babies quickly declines often before its even noticed.
So while I would love for my babies to be healthy enough to make it to 34 weeks my ultimate prayer is that God would reveal to me and to Doctors the time to deliver where the babies would be safer outside of me then inside of me.
We had an ultra sound this morning and apparently all that fluid we had removed during the amnio yesterday didnt make the least bit of difference.
Molly had 9.1cm of fluid and Emma only had 1.9cm
So I am still in the hospital and will possibly have to have another amnio done tmw.
Please pray that the babies fluids will stabilize to where another amnio is not needed but if an amnio is needed please pray that it wont cause stress on the babies and that it wont cause me to go into labor if its not the right time for them to be born.
Thank you all for following our story and for thinking of us and calling us and being there for us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Set Back
Well it has been 5 and a half weeks since the girls have needed an amnio reduction.
However at my Dr appt this past Thursday when it showed that Molly had 8.2cm of fluid I got this instant "oh no" gut feeling. Even though Emma had a good amount of fluid at 5.5cm and the Dr was satisfied with their fluid amounts something in me just knew that it was going to come back.
Two days later I went to the hospital because I felt like my stomach was getting tight. And as you already read not my DR but the DR at the hospital measured Baby Emma to have 10.1 cm of fluid and Baby Molly to have 5.5cm. THis of course would mean that TTTS has reveresed where instead of Molly recieiving too much as in the past, Emma is now the one recieving too much.
My next Dr appointment for another fluid check wasnt until tomorrow but felt like I needed to come in today instead and sure enough their fluids were drastically different.
One baby had only 1.3 cm of fluid when just two days ago she had sufficient amount at 5.5cm....and the other baby had 10.6cm. My Dr said that TTTS has NOT reveresed but that the babies have switched positions. So that is why the other DR thought Baby A was the one with most fluid because Baby A was located where Baby B usually is. ( confused yet?) :)
At anyrate, according to my DR Baby Molly is still the one recieving too much fluid.
After seeing those measurements Dr B immediately sent me to a room and prepped me for an amnio reduction. The procedure took well over an hour but the babies did great through it. Me on the other hand needed nerve medication and pain medication to get through it but we made it. I know that God was watching over us because as uncomfortable and painful as it was the pain didnt seem near as bad this time as it has in the past.
The Dr wanted to be able to remove 2,000 cc's of fluid but could only remove 1100. He was only able to remove 1100 because Molly was getting too close to the needle and the only other place in the baby's sac that he could have placed the needle to remove more fluid would have had to go through the placenta and that was way too dangerous for both babies. So we felt it was safest to stop.
So its very possible that another amnio will be needed in a couple days but i really pray not.
Dr's said that if this continues and they can make it without being under stress for 3 more weeks then come my 34th week they will just schedule me to deliver.
Of course I want the babies to be able to make it to 36 weeks so that they can come home with me but 34 weeks is not terrible. Yes they would be in NICU but most likely would only be there for 2 weeks. And honestly, 2 weeks is sounding pretty okay with me compared to the 12-16 week stay they were facing 6 weeks ago when TTTS first occured.
I am in the hospital over night for observation. If I dont go into labor as a result of the amnio and the babies seem to be doing well then DR B will re-check their fluids again tomorrow and possibly send me home.
I told him that if he did send me home that I wanted my DR's appointments in his office to be scheduled atleast twice a week.
So we will see what happens.
Just please pray that God will keep watching over my sweet little girls and that TTTS will NOT take over and cause them harm.
Thank you so much.
However at my Dr appt this past Thursday when it showed that Molly had 8.2cm of fluid I got this instant "oh no" gut feeling. Even though Emma had a good amount of fluid at 5.5cm and the Dr was satisfied with their fluid amounts something in me just knew that it was going to come back.
Two days later I went to the hospital because I felt like my stomach was getting tight. And as you already read not my DR but the DR at the hospital measured Baby Emma to have 10.1 cm of fluid and Baby Molly to have 5.5cm. THis of course would mean that TTTS has reveresed where instead of Molly recieiving too much as in the past, Emma is now the one recieving too much.
My next Dr appointment for another fluid check wasnt until tomorrow but felt like I needed to come in today instead and sure enough their fluids were drastically different.
One baby had only 1.3 cm of fluid when just two days ago she had sufficient amount at 5.5cm....and the other baby had 10.6cm. My Dr said that TTTS has NOT reveresed but that the babies have switched positions. So that is why the other DR thought Baby A was the one with most fluid because Baby A was located where Baby B usually is. ( confused yet?) :)
At anyrate, according to my DR Baby Molly is still the one recieving too much fluid.
After seeing those measurements Dr B immediately sent me to a room and prepped me for an amnio reduction. The procedure took well over an hour but the babies did great through it. Me on the other hand needed nerve medication and pain medication to get through it but we made it. I know that God was watching over us because as uncomfortable and painful as it was the pain didnt seem near as bad this time as it has in the past.
The Dr wanted to be able to remove 2,000 cc's of fluid but could only remove 1100. He was only able to remove 1100 because Molly was getting too close to the needle and the only other place in the baby's sac that he could have placed the needle to remove more fluid would have had to go through the placenta and that was way too dangerous for both babies. So we felt it was safest to stop.
So its very possible that another amnio will be needed in a couple days but i really pray not.
Dr's said that if this continues and they can make it without being under stress for 3 more weeks then come my 34th week they will just schedule me to deliver.
Of course I want the babies to be able to make it to 36 weeks so that they can come home with me but 34 weeks is not terrible. Yes they would be in NICU but most likely would only be there for 2 weeks. And honestly, 2 weeks is sounding pretty okay with me compared to the 12-16 week stay they were facing 6 weeks ago when TTTS first occured.
I am in the hospital over night for observation. If I dont go into labor as a result of the amnio and the babies seem to be doing well then DR B will re-check their fluids again tomorrow and possibly send me home.
I told him that if he did send me home that I wanted my DR's appointments in his office to be scheduled atleast twice a week.
So we will see what happens.
Just please pray that God will keep watching over my sweet little girls and that TTTS will NOT take over and cause them harm.
Thank you so much.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I will fear no evil.....
I wish I could say that I fully believed that every second of the day. But the truth is I have many moments of fear because I know that this battle is not going to be over until my girls are here safely in my arms.
As you may have read on Thursday I went to the DR and Molly's fluids were a little high but Emma had plenty so the DR wasnt too concerned. However, I told him that I wanted to be seen first thing next week to make sure that their fluids arent about to get unstable again. So He agreed.
But yesterday and today I have felt like my stomach was getting tighter than normal. So I came up to the hospital and requested an ultra sound for their fluids to be checked.
Unfortunately, my instincts were right.
The strange yet scary thing is that Emma who is the Donor and has always had less fluids now not only weighs more than Molly but also has more fluid.
Emma has 10.1 cm of fluid and Molly has 5.5cm
My Dr was not on call today, but the doctor at the hospital who did my ultra sound did call and relay the info to him and they told me that because both babies had enough fluid and one wasnt lacking he felt things would be fine until I saw him at my appt on Tuesday.
I on the other hand am very concerned that TTTS is coming back and has reveresed where the Donor is now the Recipeient.
I am very thankful that we have had a "break" these past 5 weeks from dealing with the constant issues that TTTS brings, because that is 5 weeks longer that my babies were able to gain plenty of weight and develop without complications to a healthier gestational age.
Yet it scares me that it seems to be back. I only have 6 more weeks to go before my babies are born at a gestational age healthy enough that they can avoid having to go through NICU. I dont want TTTS to cause them so many complications that they have to be born earlier than what is good for them. TTTS isnt just a fluid issue. It affects their hearts, their organs, their skin, it can do a lot, and it can do it fast if it isnt able to be brought under control.
I know that I have asked this before and I know that all of you are, but PLEASE continue to pray for my baby girls.
Pray that TTTS is NOT coming back. That it is NOT reversing. That their health and lives will NOT be in jeapordy. That another amnio reduction will NOT be needed.
Pray that God will once again intervene and that my girls will be okay.
I dont really know what else to say, I am just really concerned for them.
These precious girls have come SO far and we have so little time left before they are able to be born healthy, I truly do not want them to be robbed of these last few weeks of growth because of this awful disease.
Thank you for praying.
As you may have read on Thursday I went to the DR and Molly's fluids were a little high but Emma had plenty so the DR wasnt too concerned. However, I told him that I wanted to be seen first thing next week to make sure that their fluids arent about to get unstable again. So He agreed.
But yesterday and today I have felt like my stomach was getting tighter than normal. So I came up to the hospital and requested an ultra sound for their fluids to be checked.
Unfortunately, my instincts were right.
The strange yet scary thing is that Emma who is the Donor and has always had less fluids now not only weighs more than Molly but also has more fluid.
Emma has 10.1 cm of fluid and Molly has 5.5cm
My Dr was not on call today, but the doctor at the hospital who did my ultra sound did call and relay the info to him and they told me that because both babies had enough fluid and one wasnt lacking he felt things would be fine until I saw him at my appt on Tuesday.
I on the other hand am very concerned that TTTS is coming back and has reveresed where the Donor is now the Recipeient.
I am very thankful that we have had a "break" these past 5 weeks from dealing with the constant issues that TTTS brings, because that is 5 weeks longer that my babies were able to gain plenty of weight and develop without complications to a healthier gestational age.
Yet it scares me that it seems to be back. I only have 6 more weeks to go before my babies are born at a gestational age healthy enough that they can avoid having to go through NICU. I dont want TTTS to cause them so many complications that they have to be born earlier than what is good for them. TTTS isnt just a fluid issue. It affects their hearts, their organs, their skin, it can do a lot, and it can do it fast if it isnt able to be brought under control.
I know that I have asked this before and I know that all of you are, but PLEASE continue to pray for my baby girls.
Pray that TTTS is NOT coming back. That it is NOT reversing. That their health and lives will NOT be in jeapordy. That another amnio reduction will NOT be needed.
Pray that God will once again intervene and that my girls will be okay.
I dont really know what else to say, I am just really concerned for them.
These precious girls have come SO far and we have so little time left before they are able to be born healthy, I truly do not want them to be robbed of these last few weeks of growth because of this awful disease.
Thank you for praying.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
30 Weeks!!!
I cant believe I am already 30 weeks! Within the next 6 weeks I will meeting my beautiful little girls and I can not wait!
Im gonna make this short because I am going off very little sleep and I am ready to go get some rest.
We had a DR appt this morning at 8:15 and we were there for THREE Hours!!!
Anyways, I am currently carrying 6lbs 1oz worth of babies. :)
Emma was 3 lbs 2 oz and Molly was just 3 oz behind her at 2 lbs 15oz.
Emma was measuring 30 weeks and 1 day and Molly was at 29 weeks 3 days.
There was only a 5% difference in their sizes/growth which the Dr was very pleased with.
Emma's heart rate was 144bpm and Molly at 143 bpm.
Emma had 5.5cm of fluids and Molly had 8.2cm of fluids.
I was a little concerned that Molly's fluids were up so i asked to be seen early next week. Our next appt is Tuesday Morning, although DR B told me to not worry because Emma still had enough fluids so we know she isnt suffering. I just want to go in early and make sure their fluids arent about to get unstable again.
He also told me that I was doing a great job and needed to keep doing whatever it was I was doing because both the babies are growing and doing so well.
My cervix is still shut and a good 2cm long and they checked for a protien that your body releases when you are with in 2 weeks of delivery. I did not have that protien so I am pretty much guarenteed another 2 weeks if the babies continue to do well!
So 32 weeks here we come!
I guess thats it until next time!
Im gonna make this short because I am going off very little sleep and I am ready to go get some rest.
We had a DR appt this morning at 8:15 and we were there for THREE Hours!!!
Anyways, I am currently carrying 6lbs 1oz worth of babies. :)
Emma was 3 lbs 2 oz and Molly was just 3 oz behind her at 2 lbs 15oz.
Emma was measuring 30 weeks and 1 day and Molly was at 29 weeks 3 days.
There was only a 5% difference in their sizes/growth which the Dr was very pleased with.
Emma's heart rate was 144bpm and Molly at 143 bpm.
Emma had 5.5cm of fluids and Molly had 8.2cm of fluids.
I was a little concerned that Molly's fluids were up so i asked to be seen early next week. Our next appt is Tuesday Morning, although DR B told me to not worry because Emma still had enough fluids so we know she isnt suffering. I just want to go in early and make sure their fluids arent about to get unstable again.
He also told me that I was doing a great job and needed to keep doing whatever it was I was doing because both the babies are growing and doing so well.
My cervix is still shut and a good 2cm long and they checked for a protien that your body releases when you are with in 2 weeks of delivery. I did not have that protien so I am pretty much guarenteed another 2 weeks if the babies continue to do well!
So 32 weeks here we come!
I guess thats it until next time!
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