Aunt Sophia!

 

Molly and Emma have a new Aunt in their life. :) Except they will grow up to be more like cousins or even sisters.

My dad and his wife found out a month ago that they were expecting a baby girl and 5 days ago she arrived.:-) She was born 10-8-10 at 12:37pm and weighed 5lbs 5 oz!

I am very excited about Sophia coming into our lives! I have been my dad's only daughter and his mom's only grandaughter for almost 26 years! And now there is Sophia.:)

All of Emma and Molly's cousins are older than them, so I am looking forward to them having a little girl their age to grow up and have sleepovers with. :)

Welcome to the world Sophia! We love you!!

It's a Zoo Day!

We had our first trip to the zoo as a family of 4 today.
 
A friend of ours was so nice enough to give us a membership to the zoo and we are very excited about putting it to use!

Daddy and the Girls checking out Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear :)
 
 

We walked the little Kangaroo trail. The kangaroos were MUCH smaller than what I thought kangaroos were suppose to be...you can see one of them in the background of this picture.
 

Molly and Emma met their Aunts for the first time today! We wont say which ones...haha but you can see them in the background! :) xoxo
 

Daddy and Molly watching the Turtle
 
 
 

The Girls observing the elephants!
 
I love the expression on Molly's face! She looks really suprised to see something so big!:)
 

 

Time to go Bye-Bye! We sure did have a great day!
 

Dear Grandma...

 

Grandma,

I have never been to heaven so who knows if there is internet access there or not but I have so much on my heart that whether or not you read this, I know that our souls are still connected and somehow you know every word.I have so much that I just want to say to you.

It is so hard for me to believe that a month has already passed since you went to be with Jesus. Every since I was a child you talked about meeting Jesus as if it were something you looked forward to. You smiled at the thought of meeting your Savior that you loved with such a passionate pure heart.

When I imagine what the look on your face must have been like when you saw Him for the first time, I break down.
I know that Saints like you are very few. I know that not many of us know Him and love Him day in and day out without fail, the way you do. And the fact that you now get to be with Him every day without end, makes me happy for you.

But for me, Grandma, I miss you terribly.
Rick has been working a lot of over time lately, and I can not tell you enough how much I miss you calling to check on me when he is at work.
I find myself often going to pick up the phone to call and check on you, because I havent talked to you in a while, and then I quickly remember why I havent heard from you and it tears me to pieces all over again.

We used to talk so much and about so many things. You shared your soul with me, because you felt safe and new that it wouldnt go past the phone between our ears. I shared my soul with you because I knew that you spent the majority of your day having conversations with God and I knew that you could help me get thru to Him.
Our relationship was so unique and so special and I miss hearing your voice.

I went through all of my voicemails in hopes that I would come across one from you just so I could hear you say one more time "Erika, It's Grandma..."
I didnt have any saved because my phone automatically deletes them after a certain time. This was a total let down to me.

I have a hard time listening to the radio these days.
Yesterday I was in the car with Rick and "your twins" when "Meet me at the cross" came on and I cried like a baby because I just imagined you meeting Jesus at the cross and although I know you must be having a blast up there...I so badly wish you were still here with me.

I know that you spent the past 11 years here on earth in such terrible pain, so I have guilt in wishing you were still here because I know where you are now is pain free. I just dont understand why God didnt choose to heal you here, so you could still be with us. It is really hard for me to face every day knowing its one more day that I dont have you, and I will never again have you.

As you know, and were very excited about... I named my little girl Molly Ann after you so that IF the day ever came that I didn't have you anymore...in a way you would always still be with me thru my little girl. But to be honest, I had no idea that it would only be 5 months after meeting Molly that I would loose you.

You were so faithful in your prayers when I was pregnant and when I was trying to get pregnant. Even before we were told the girls may not make it, you prayed for their safety and for my strength. And when I was diagnosed with TTTS you cried with me but assured me God was going to heal them. You loved my girls with all your heart before you even had the chance to meet them. And when you met them, you fell in love all over again. It warmed my heart to see the way you held them and just stared at them and smiled. I loved hearing you brag to all your friends about "your twins". I never once corrected you and said they were MY twins because I was so touched that you loved them enough to claim them as your own. :) And if I had to share "my twins" with anyone in the world, I was honored to share them with you.

You taught me so much about life, and God, and being a mom, a wife, and I could go on. I would love to still be able to reach out to you for advice, but instead I will be sure to cling to every word of wisdom that you have shared with me.

In your weakest moments of life, you never ever gave up. Instead, you cried out to Jesus and you clinged to Him even more. And Grandma, this is the weakest I have ever been. And I do want to give up a lot of days, because being without you breaks me in half. But I want to make you proud, and I want to be the kind of woman you are, so I will not give up. That is my promise to you.

Not too long ago, I was having a really hard night. I was missing you so much and I was desperate to hear from you.
I remembered that you had given me your Beth Moore devotional and I flipped page by page reading your notes, longing for something to stand out, something that would be exactly what you would say to me, as if I had picked up the phone and called you.
And sure enough, I saw written in your own hand writing "Never let your faith deminish" and right next to that you had written "I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith, I have finished the race, I have a crown of righteousness waiting for me"
And it was then that I felt like you were talking directly to me. My faith has been made so weak because God took you from me, and I feel like you were telling me that Just because You have finished your race...I should not let my faith diminish. You have your crown of righteouness that you waited so long for, and you dancing the streets of gold is nothing that I should be bitter about.

When I have moments of anger and grief that I dont even want to talk to God, I will do it anyways. Because you have shown me through your life, that out of any accomplishment I could ever achieve, at the end of it all...How well I know and Love God is most important.
I am so far from being the woman you are, but now more than ever, I will continue to strive.

Even in your absence Grandma, you still meet me where I am. You are still guiding me along the way.

I had so many wonderful times with you and they are helping push me through the hard times without you.

You would be so proud of Paw Paw. He has been so wonderful at picking up with me, where you left off. We havent missed a day of talking since you have been gone.
I love him so much. And apparently you did too. Almost 59 years of marriage,is a LONG time :)

You would also be happy to know that Mom and I talk almost everyday. I know that too would make you smile.

I know to some, I may seem like I am completely unglued. And at times, I do feel that way. But I am doing the best I can. I want to make you proud. I want to make my children proud. Paw Paw proud. My husband proud. And of course, I want to make Jesus proud. This is the hardest thing, I have ever had to do.And I have had to do some pretty hard things.
But once I push through these tough spots, I will pull up my boot straps and I will fight this good fight, just the way you did.

More than anything, I want to wrap my arms around you. But until that glorious day...I will hold you so very tight in my heart.

Thank you Grandma, SO much, for being all that you are. You have inspired me more than you could ever know. Actually, I think you do know. Because in your last days, even though you couldn't talk, when I asked you if you knew how special you are to me, with tears dripping off your cheeks, you nodded your head yes. I will never forget that.

I am changed, because of you.

I love you. Forever and ever.

Love Always,
Erika

Stinky Feet!

Would you believe that this sweet little face.... 

Has a sweet little pair of STINKY feet?! haha
 

I had Emma laying in my lap the other day and I kept grabbing her foot and stickin it up to my nose then I would say to her "shew wee, stinky feet!" and every time I would say that she would giggle at me and then she started on her own putting her foot up to my nose, and then I would say again "shew wee stinky feet!" then she would put her foot back down and giggle and then she would throw her foot back up in my face and I would say it again and she would just crack up!

I guess it was a "had to be there" moment but I was just so shocked that she knew to throw her foot up to my nose to hear me say that! And then she would giggle and throw her foot back up to my nose again.

Love my girls.

These are the kinds of moments with my girls that I love the most!

The moments where in all their innocence they just make you smile!

Green Beans

Emma and Molly had their first taste of baby food today! We gave them green beans at dinner time. Decided to start them on the more bitter foods first so that they dont get a taste for the really sweet foods and not like the vegetables. Who knows if my theory will stick, but we will see.
For now, They really suprised me with how well they did! They seemed to enjoy it! They only made the "yucky" face when they were getting to that "full" point.

I hope that they continue to enjoy baby food!

Here are some pictures from their dinner today!

Emma ate first!

Getting ready for that first bite!


Yummy!! She didnt even make a funny face! She liked it!


She can't keep her eyes off her mommy :) Love my sweet Emma!


All Done! And I didnt even wear that much of it!


Molly's Turn! She didnt even make a funny face either! She seemed to like it too!


Mommy's Sweet Girl!Love My Molly!
 
Such a Ham!
 

All Done!
 

6 Month Well Checkup

Really just stuns me that my miracle babies are half way to their 1st birthday already! I am so serious about how unbelievable this is to me! It goes by entirely too fast. But Honestly, I am enjoying them SO much! I just LOVE being a mommy. They are the happiest little girls! Always smiling! They surely have their daddy's smile. All three of them smile so big! Love it.
When I was pregnant I always prayed for my babies. I prayed first that God would get them here safely, and I then prayed that even while they were inside me that He would fill them with His joy. And I truly feel that He has done just that because every where we go people compliment how good and how happy they are. And even when it is just me and them at home, they are always so giggly! Of course there are some exceptions like when they arent feeling well, but most of the time you wouldnt even know they are sick because they never seem to be unhappy.

The best feeling in the world is watching two little babies that once grew inside of me,now grow on the outside.
They are really very smart babies for being so early. They reach out for things infront of them, they can pick up toys, blankets, paci's and such on their own now. They are scooting on their backs, rolling over, and a milestone for them is that they can balance on their legs now if you are holding their little hands! This is a big deal because at one point their legs were like noodles and they didnt know what to do when I would try to get them to balance on their feet.

And another big milestone is that they can even sit on your hip now! There was a time that when I would put them on my hip and their little backs would just flop back because they werent strong enough to support themselves but they got that down pat now too!
And now, they are even in size 2 diapers! Long gone are the days of preemies!
To a lot of people my girls seem small, but for those that knew them when they were wee little 2 and 3 pounders, they can really appreciate with me how big they really are now!

When we went for their well check up yesterday I was very suprised to learn that statistically Emma is very tall for her age! My little peanuts used to not even be on the charts and now they are just excelling so well!

Emma: Height- 25 1/8inches- 70th percentile!
Head Circumfrence- 17 inches- 75th percentile
Weight- 13lbs 6oz- 10th percentile.

Molly: Height- 24 1/4 inches-20th percentile
Head-16 3/4 inches-50th percentile
Weight- 13lbs 2oz- 10th percentile

Here is a comparison of my baby girls from 6 Weeks Old to 6 Months Old!

Emma @ 6 Weeks:


Emma @ 6 Months:


Molly @ 6 Weeks:
Molly @ 6 Months:


The girls got their shots yesterday too. :( I told them 4 or 5 times before the nurse came in that a lady was going to come in and stick their legs a few times and it was going to sting and they were gonna cry but it wouldnt last long and she had to do it because she is putting medicine in them that will keep them from getting diseases. And Mommy was going to pick them up and love on them as soon as it was over with.
Im pretty sure they comprehended none of what I told them,but it made me feel better that I wasnt just handing them over to be hurt without an explanation.

Molly took her shots a little harder than Emma did. Molly went first and poor thing cried so hard and then it was Emma's turn. And Emma cried hard too but as soon as I picked Emma up she stopped crying, and even though Molly went first Molly was still crying even after Emma went and had quit crying.

Thankfully Daddy was able to go with us. I hate having to take them to get shots by myself. It breaks my heart to see them so upset. :(

I keep telling myself every night that tonight will be the night I try them in their cribs overnight for the 1st time but every night comes and I just cant bare to seperate myself from them. I worry about them through the night with them next to me, I would probably be a wreck if I had to think of them being in another room. Praying God will give me the strength to do this soon because the two of them sharing a pack and play in my room just isnt enough room for them considering they are both now like their mommy used to be in their sleep and love to toss and turn!

They are also going to start baby food this week. I am really excited about this. I remember when the time came for them to start cereal i was not looking forward to it because it just meant my babies were growing too fast, but since they are already eating cereal by spoon, I am excited about them getting a taste of something new! Hopefully they enjoy their baby food more than they seem to appreciate the cereal! :)

There are so many characteristics that I love about my girls, for instance I can sit straight thru church with them and whether they are awake or asleep they are just perfect! They never make a sound!
But one thing that I am totally loving is how snuggly they are! They are very content being left to play by themself but they also are the best little cuddlers! Such good natured babies! I am very blessed to be their mommy.

As I am typing this both girls are laying next to me and Emma has her thumb in her mouth making a very loud sucking noise haha and Molly very quietly is also sucking on her fingers. Such silly girls. Love them so much!

Here is a video of my giggly girls!

My Amazing Grandma

 

Its been quite sometime since I have updated everyone on the girls. A few quick things about them are:

On 9/9/10 I took them to the DR because for a couple weeks now they have had a cold. Also learned they had the beginning stage of an ear infection so for 6 days now they have been on antibotics. Hasnt really helped their yuckies go away but im sure it has helped their ears.

Emma weighed 13lbs and Molly weighed 12 lbs 11.5oz

They are scooting on their backs now.

They can roll from back to to tummy and from tummy to back. Except, on their back to tummy,they both tend to get all the way over then cant figure out how to pull that arm out so they get mad and just flip right back to their backs.

They are not enjoying their cereal.I have to trick them to get them to eat it by stickng their bottle in their mouth after every time i put the spoon in their mouth.

They have finally gotten used to taking their medicine for acid reflux but they fight me like the devil when I give them their antibotics.

Splish Splash they love their baths and love making mommy just as wet as they are.

Molly seems to be the laid back one these days. Emma is very LOUD when she wants to get her point across. :) And the girl does NOT like waiting to eat. Seems like as soon as that 3 hrs rolls around she is letting me know. Molly, not so much. She is very patient when it comes to when its time to eat.

Molly LOVES her sleep. Emma however, takes little cat naps. She much rather play!

A couple weeks ago I posted pictures and a blog about our first family vacation to Florida and my grandparents getting to meet my girls for the first time.One week after we got back we got a phone call that my grandmother was very sick and in the hospital. Right away we left and headed back to Florida.
I spent 10-12 hrs a day up there with her and longer than that when I was able to stay the night with her. I had never been away from my girls before, and to be away from them for the first time to watch my Grandma die, was by far the hardest thing Ive ever done.
I was there for 5 days before she passed away.
My Grandma and I had a very special relationship. We could talk about things with eachother that we could never talk about with other people. She would tell me often times "you are the only one I can say this too" and I would say to her many times as well "grandma i cant tell anyone else this.."
My Grandma is the best woman I know.
So Strong, Beautiful, Friendly, and no matter how much pain she was in she always kept her joy.
She had this journal that she wrote letters to God in. I have never known someone to love God and have a relationship with Him the way she did.She talked to Him as if He were her friend. Some of her journal entries would start out "Good Morning to You God" and then with that she would follow with her prayers for the day. Many times in her journal she talked to God about being in her wheel chair. She would say "God, I really want to walk again. But if this chair is for your Glory I will stay in it for as long as you want me too"...such a strong woman. She truly loved God and she LIVED it.

My Grandma wasnt afraid to die. She always talked about meeting Jesus and how she couldnt wait to walk again. When we were there on vacation visiting her, we went to church with her and she would flag down everyone she saw to come "meet her twins" she introduced me to JB and she said "this is JB, he's gonna sing at my funeral!" and she said it with a big smile on her face as if she looked forward to it! Me on the other hand cringed and said "Grandma dont talk about that!" Little did I know it was right around the corner that he would be singing at my Grandma's funeral. He sang so beautifully "If you could see me now", and "I will Rise".
We keep our radio on WMHK and everytime those songs come on, I break down. Those songs have such different meaning to me today.

She wasnt scared. She was ready.

I however, was not ready. And i am still scared.

I miss her so much. Even on days that I am not a basket case, I constantly feel like I have this hole in my heart. This weight on my shoulders. Always fighting back the tears. Every Morning I wake up and every night I go to bed, I long for her. She isnt just a phone call away for me anymore, and though she is pain free and "dancing with Jesus"...it doesnt erase the pain I am left with here on earth.

My Grandad whom we all call Paw Paw...is also very close to my heart. I have been very fortunate enough to always have such a great bond with him and my grandma. There is no one else in the world like the two of them. Meet them once, and you have been blessed. Humble, Giving, I could go on.
They were married for 58 years, 59 years this November. Their anniversary is the day after my birthday. Please pray for Him, I know the pain I feel missing my grandma. But I couldnt imagine what he is feeling. They spent a life time together. They shared 58 years of their lives together, had children, grandchildren, and now great grandchildren. What an incredible journey they have shared.

 

My life has been drastically changed. My Grandma was the beat of my heart. She was my closest friend, my Rock, the glue that held our family together, and my biggest prayer warrior! If I asked my Grandma to pray about something she didnt just pray about it. She prayed until it was resolved. I always had a special comfort knowing she would pray me through life.

Her laugh still echoes in my ears.

I could write a million things about her.

Watching her go through that last week, has really damaged me. I am not sure how I will pull myself up out of this. I know that I have to put on a big happy smile for my girls and I do-because they dont know anything, and they still need their mommy. But on the inside I feel like a big part of me died. I feel like I am falling apart.

Really Truly the Best Person I have ever known. I Miss her so much. We were so close, and I feel so lost without her.

Rick and I would have never been able to spend as much time with her in her last days that we were able to if it werent for such special people in our lives that helped us so much with our kids during this time.

Thank you to each of you, you know who you are.

And personally, I would have never made it through any of this without my husband. He is my backbone. I am very thankful for him.



Grandma, I'll love you forever and ever. Cant wait until I see you again.