NICU Tour

Since the plan was for us to be going home soon, I figured I should probably go ahead and take them up on the offer to tour NICU.

They had asked us 5 weeks ago when I was admitted in the hospital to do this and I just have not been ready. I had so much to worry about already, that I did not want to add the traumatizing "what to expects" of a baby born at 24 weeks to my list of worries. I already what iffed myself too death over it, but I surely did not want the harsh reality of it to be in my face. You know?

But now that I am 29 weeks TOMORROW :) and have all the faith in the world that I will make it into my 30's, I figuered touring NICU would be easier on me. Their struggles would be less, and I really wanted to make sure I had a general idea of what to expect before going home.

Yesterday we went on our tour, and before we even passed the sign in sheet tears swelled up in my eyes. The first thing we saw was the isolette they would be laying in, and it had all these cords etc...in it and picturing my little angels in one of those things was just too much.

The thing that made tears come to Rick's eyes is when they told us the girls most likely would not be in the same room together at first.
They have been together since the moment they were concieved, how could they possibly be seperated when they first come out? They need each other.

The nurse basically told us that there were 3 levels of rooms. Once they graduate up to the 3rd level, then they will be stable enough to share a crib together. But prior to that, they dont want to put them at risk for infection. While they are in me, whatever happens to one will most likely happen to the other but once they come out that is not necessarily true. So, for their protection they dont want them together at first incase one gets something, they dont want it to spread to the other.

Which I understand their thought process, but Im with Rick. They need to be together! I cant imagine going through all Ive been through the past 5 weeks with no one by my side. And these poor girls would be coming out into the world and then wisked off seperately. I just pray that they will never even see NICU. It was a very scary tour.

Another thing that was a little much for me to hear was that while they are in level one which is where most NICU babies start out, we would not be able to hold them.
Can someone please take the knife out of my heart already???

Although we cant hold them, we can touch them, but gosh. Lets recap, my girls have me and each other from the moment they are concieved, but the moment they come out they wont have eachother NOR their mommy to hold them and make them feel safe? they are going to be left naked and cold lying in a isolette with cords attached to every part of their little body??? Ok so maybe they wont be cold, but the rest still stands to be true.

Once they move to the level 2 room they can be held but for no more than 30 min a day. It just makes me so sad that they wont be able to bond with their mommy or daddy right at birth like most babies get too. Are they going to feel like I have abandoned them?

Level 3 is when they can be held without limitations. My prayer is that IF they have to go to NICU that it will be NO time before they see level 3.

Another thing that the nurse told me is that they are going to tell me over and over how important breast milk is for them. If for whatever reason I cant pump milk for them then they would encourage me using donor breast milk. So pray with me that I can supply my own milk to them. There is a bowel problem that has only been found in pre-mature babies and breast milk has been proven to help prevent that in them.
She said breast milk is the best medicine I can give them, while they are in NICU so I will do it with all my might.
Im actually excited about it. I was worried about them going to NICU and me not being able to nurse them because by the time they learned how to swallow, they would be doing it from a bottle. SO i didnt think that they would be able to transistion from a bottle to me, but that apparently isnt true either. NICU and the lactation nurse will both assist me and the babies in learning how to adapt to this. IF they are put in NICU it is going to rob me of so much bonding time with them, that when they come home I want to be able to make up for it in any which way I can. And nursing is one of the best ways to bond with your new baby. So pray that I can be successful at doing this!

At some point we will be having a consultation with Neonatal Doctor to learn what to expect at different gestational ages from where I am at in my pregnancy on up to being fullterm. Pray that Rick and I can both be strong through this process. It really is a punch in the gut having to face that this could be the road we are traveling down but Again, we dont want to go home blind, so that is why we are prepping ourselves as much as we can.

However my prayer is that NICU will never even be an issue for my baby girls. And I know that all of you are praying as well. So thank you for that.

I got choked up many times yesterday thinking about my babies and how grateful I am that they are doing so wonderful. These past 5 weeks could have very well taken a turn for the worst. But they havent. God has chosen to intervene and heal my little girls. Who am I that God would do such a massive favor like this for me???

This experience has really tried my faith. But through God's mercy, my faith has been renewed and strengthen to much higher levels. I am so thankful to Him more than words can say.

I am so excited about that RIGHT time coming for me to meet my little miracles. They have no idea, of the way God has used them before they were ever even born and I look forward to being able to tell them all about it one day!!