Sitting in the hospital bed with such a heavy heart. One minute I am full of so much faith and optimisim and the next I am overwhelmed with so much fear and confusion.
So much prayer and faith went in to believing that God would bless us with a baby and when we found out we were pregnant it was by far the most exciting day of our lives.
Then we found out that God was not only giving us one miracle baby but he was giving us two. We were SO thankful and excited and truly beside ourselves. Every single step of my pregnancy has been a struggle for me physically and while I have had such a hard time I have been so thankful along the way that while i may have been miserable my baby girls were doing just fine!
Every Doctors appt the past 6 months has showed us that they were both growing and doing just perfect. And I have been so thankful every---EVERY single day for this. Nothing could have prepared us for the blindsided news we recieved this past friday, when we went to the Dr expecting another Great visit, but instead getting news that has torn our hearts to pieces.
We are faced with so many hard decisions right now. Both babies healths are in jeapordy due to my placenta sending too much to one baby and not enough to the other. If this isnt corrected, neither baby will have a chance. But the surgery to correct this gives 90% chance to one baby and 65-70% chance for both to make it out just fine. In my heart these percentages just arent high enough. These are my babies and I want a 100% chance for both!!! But not doing the surgery at all, gives neither a fighting chance so we are told.
This is so much for me to take in and comprehend. All i am doing at this point is believing that if this surgery is what God wants to use to save BOTH my baby girls then we will get accepted to go to wisconsin where the inventor of this procedure will perform this for us. There is no other doctor in the world that could do this operation better than him, as he is the founder of it. So I am trusting God to lead us where he wants us to follow.
If this surgery is not what God wants to use to save our babies then I have no idea what step will be next, but I know that SOMETHING will happen. We are suppose to know in the morning what the verdict is. If we are told to go to Wisconsin we have a day or 2 to make the arrangements to get there.
I have always had faith in God but I have never been put in a place where I had to completely PUT ALL my faith in Him, and that is where I am now. Broken and scared. Dont know what to expect but all i know is that whatever doors open to give my babies a fighting chance we must put all fear aside and RUN through them, trusting along the way that this is where God is leading.
I cant tell you all enough how much your prayers mean to us. I am sorry i do not have the chance to respond to each of you personally but do know that Rick and I are recieving your messages and we love you for it.
I was telling my Aunt that out of so much that I dont know right now, that there are two things that I do know for sure and that is I need both my babies to make it through this and God is the ONLY one who can make that happen. So on behalf of our sweet baby Emma Grace and precious Molly Ann please continue to lift them up to the only one who can save them.
Pray that God guides the minds and hands of the doctors who will be over us and pray that God gives Rick and I peace about the decisions and challenges that we are facing and pray that where He guides He will also provide for us to get there. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to us...Hold me Jesus, I am shaking like a leaf....Though my heart is torn, I will praise you through the storm. Be still and Know that I am God...Trying to stay strong but there is So much going through our minds right now, and i would be lying if i said we werent scared.
Thank you for supporting us but most of all keep on praying because at the end of all this God is ultimately the only one who can make the difference.
Erika
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