I have had so many emails and phone calls and i just dont have it in me physically to respond to each of them but know that every single one of them are appreciated and comforting to us during this extremely hard time.
Today has been the hardest day for me yet. I have had several out of body experiences and I fall to pieces everytime I am left alone for even a minute. I am so scared and so uncertain and I dont doubt God has a plan but for me not knowing what His plan is, is very scary.
These are my babies and I with everything that is in me want nothing more than to be able to protect them and I cant. And It is so heart wrenching for me. I am going to repeat some old info along with some new just to help bring everyone up to speed that has been concerned.
We were told Friday that the best possible chance for our girls would be to have the surgery in Wisconsin that would correct the blood vessels in the placenta so that all the nutrients and blood flow in the placenta is distriubted equally to both babies so that one baby is no longer deprived and the other baby is no longer recieving too much.This surgery would also correct the problem of one baby recieving too much amnio fluid and the other baby not receiving enough due to being squooshed by the bigger babies sac.
In terms...Baby Emma is not able to produce enough amnio fluid because Molly is producing so much that her sac is smooshing Emma. The surgery was suppose to correct both of these problems and give both my babies a good fighting chance.
However, this morning the Doctor from Wisconsin ( Dr. De Lia) called me himself and explained to me why I was not a good canidate for this surgery.
The two main reasons were that 1. My placenta is located in a posistion that would make operation very difficult to be a success for the babies and 2. He did not feel that it would be in my best interest to have the surgery because of all the health problems I have had through this pregnancy. So basically, he was not confident that me and BOTH babies could get through the surgery and all be 100% okay at the end of it. Therefore he declined to do the surgery.
THerefore, our only option is for me to remain in the hospital under strict observation until the babies are born. Meanwhile being in the hospital, the problem with the placenta is still at hand. It is still sending too much to baby Molly and Baby Emma is not getting enough. There is nothing we can do to fix this. All they can do is moniter the babies and decide to deliver when they find that it is safer for them to be outside the womb then it is to be inside the womb.
As of what we were last told there is only a 22% difference in the size of the babies which means that as of Now baby Emma is not lacking too much blood supply and nutrients. We are praising God for this and praying that this continues to be the case.
However Doctors tell us that we can expect this growth difference to increase significantly over the next couple weeks. Should it increase, it puts Molly more at risk to go into cardiac arrest because her heart is having to work too hard for all the blood she is recieving and Emma, is being drastically deprived of everything she needs to have a healthy life.
When it comes to the growth of the babies and how much the placenta is or is not sending to each baby can not be fixed without that surgery it can only be monitered and again, when they find that it is causing a decline in the babies health they will deliver.
However, the amniotic fluid is still an issue and this is being maintained in the hospital. Baby Molly as mentioned is producing too much fluid and as her sac is growing so fast it is smooshing Emma and therefore Emma is not able to produce enough fluid. Therefore, everytime Molly has too much fluid build up I have to undergo a procedure called amniocentisis reduction.
This is where they insert a needle into my uterus and drain fluid from Molly's sac so that Emma can have more room. I had this procedure done this past friday and Molly's fluid built back up so quickly that I had to have it done again today( Monday). Today they removed 3 pounds of fluid. Everytime they do this procedure there is a risk of me going into labor. Therefore I am on medicines to help prevent that. Doctors told me today that they can normally perform this procedure 5 to 7 times before a delivery is necessary. He said delivery would most likely happen for me with in 3 to 4 weeks.
Every since those words came out of his mouth my nerves have been shot. I have had several anxiety attacks and Doctors have tried to keep me calm with nerve meds but nothing has really been able to help me pull together. One minute I am sitting here calm and just taking it all in, and the next I am complete basket case falling whichever way I may. I am only 24 wks pregnant and only 3-4 more weeks is just not long enough for me to accept.
I just always pictured my delivery day meeting my babies for the 1st time with the doctors laying my healthy new born baby girls on my chest as they came out and me kissing them as I see them for the first time and rick and i looking at eachother with tears of joy in our eyes. And now, that picture perfect image has been shattered as reality is hitting me that my 1st glimpse of my new baby girls is going to be seeing them in incubators hooked up to all kinds of tubes and machines and I just cant find myself to be okay with that. I fall to shreds every time the vision crosses my mind.
Doctors expect me to have them with in 3-4 weeks but please Proclaim and help me believe that my baby girls will beat those odds and will be able to stay in me much MUCH Longer. 32 weeks would be ideally perfect. I dont want to accept that Dr's dont feel we have that long. I want to believe that God has bigger plans for my babies, so help me believe that too because I NEED a support system.
My mom or either Rick have stayed with me every night and I dont know what I would have done otherwise. I am a complete and total mess. And I just cant be this way. I need to be strong for my girls. Please pray that I can do this for them. I am so broken and scared because I never know from day to day if it will be my last time feeling my babies move inside of me.I just dont understand what Gods plan is but I do know that already He has used my sweet baby girls to bring HUNDREDS of people to their knees, and I have to keep beleiving that this is ONLY the first of the many ways God is going to use my baby girls to glorify Him.
As I know more i will try to do my best to keep you informed. Thank you again for all the love and support.
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