This whole week I have done much better emotionally then I ever imagined I could do.
But yesterday (3-26-10) it all just hit me and I had a really hard day.
Somethings in NICU have happened and none of them I guess you could say are huge things but to a new mom who cant even take her babies home yet, those little things are a really big deal.
We call several times during the night when we are not up there to check on the girls and every time we are told they are fine there have been no changes.
Well yesterday morning Rick called and he was told just that, no changes. Well when we get there that afternoon to see the girls I walk over to Molly and Rick walks over to Emma. As soon as he walked up to her he walked right back over to me and said "Emma has a huge knot on her head"
Of course I panic and run over there and yes, she does. A very big knot. Rick calls the nurse over to ask her about and she said that the nurse practioner would have to come talk to us about it. She said it would be about 5 minutes. That was the longest 5 minutes of our lives. We both just looked at eachother and then looked at Emma and then looked back at each other again. We were horrified. Especially since the day before we were told they both had slight bleeding on the brain. So Rick and I just correlated the two together.
The nurse came over and explained to us that it is just a cyst that forms during the trauma of delivery for premature babies and it usually goes away after a couple weeks. She said they did an ultra sound on the cyst and it was fine. Nothing serious about it.
Well thats good news. But the thing that really had me emotional that day is that our fears could have been completely avoided had they TOLD us when we called to check on the girls that there was a knot there but to not be alarmed there was nothing to worry about. You know?
But instead we are just told everything is fine, there are no changes.
There WAS a change. And I just feel like since NICU is already scary for moms that they should avoid all possible fears by filling you in on information such as there is a knot on your baby's head. So when you get there and see it unexpectedly you dont have a melt down.
The day before this on (3-25-10)
I had another tough experience. Visitation hours are closed between 7am and 9am and then again 7pm-9pm due to shift changes.
Well it was coming up on 7pm and Molly was fussy. As long as I was standing there holding her hand or patting her butt she was fine. But the minute I stopped she would start crying again.
Well the nurse that was working with her that day, told me that I had to leave because their shift changes were coming up. I looked at the clock in THEIR Nicu and I still have 5 minutes left with my crying baby. 5 minutes that could have helped her calm down and 5 minutes that could have helped me feel okay about leaving.
The nurse saw my baby crying and she just insisted that I leave. So finally I just told her, "if you want me to leave then you are going to have to fix this, Because i am not leaving my child while she is crying. "
SO the nurse walks over to Molly and starts patting her butt and the minute i turned my back I looked over my shoulder and the nurse was already walking away.
This has been 3 days ago and I still cry thinking or talking about it.
It is so hard being their mommy but not being able to do all the mommy things for them. Especially comfort them when they are sad.
I know in just a few more weeks they will be home with me and I can have things exactly the way I want with them but until then, having someone else put limitations on how to Mommy them is very very hard.
Rick is off this whole weekend and I am so excited because we are going to get to spend almost every waking moment with them.
Everytime we get in the car to head to the hospital my tummy feels up with swarms of butterflies.
Everytime I look at my girls I am in complete awe that these are the faces of the ones that were JUST inside of me a week ago.
It is such a powerful feeling bringing two lives into the world. An even more powerful feeling seeing how healthy and alert they are when Doctors at one point did not even see this in their future.
I look at my baby girls and I see God.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Happy 1 week! 3-26-10
My goodness! I cant believe a whole week has already gone by! In just one week the girls have grown and changed so much. They are so healthy and alert and just perfect!
Holding them is the BEST feeling in the whole world. I am SO ready for them to be home so I can hold them as much as I want without having a nurse telling me my time is up!
Today after it was time for Molly to leave Mommy's arms and go back into her bed I heard the nurse tell Molly she was going to change her diaper. So I asked the nurse to let me do it instead. It was getting late and I was about to leave and Miss Molly is usually pretty fiesty when people bother her. And I did not want her to get upset and start crying making it hard on me to leave. Every night it usually takes me an hour to be able to leave after telling her bye bye. It seems everytime I let go of her finger or stop patting her butt she feels me walking away and begins to cry. This is always hard on me so I always make sure she is content before leaving.
Well I began to change her diaper and between switching from one diaper to the next I felt some thing sprinkle my hand. I said "did you pee pee on me" and I looked down and sure enough drizzle wizzle all over the place. :)
I couldnt wait for Rick to call me on his lunch break so I could tell him about it. He laughed so hard. Which always makes me laugh even harder.
Here is a picture of my beatiful girls on their one week birthday!
Holding them is the BEST feeling in the whole world. I am SO ready for them to be home so I can hold them as much as I want without having a nurse telling me my time is up!
Today after it was time for Molly to leave Mommy's arms and go back into her bed I heard the nurse tell Molly she was going to change her diaper. So I asked the nurse to let me do it instead. It was getting late and I was about to leave and Miss Molly is usually pretty fiesty when people bother her. And I did not want her to get upset and start crying making it hard on me to leave. Every night it usually takes me an hour to be able to leave after telling her bye bye. It seems everytime I let go of her finger or stop patting her butt she feels me walking away and begins to cry. This is always hard on me so I always make sure she is content before leaving.
Well I began to change her diaper and between switching from one diaper to the next I felt some thing sprinkle my hand. I said "did you pee pee on me" and I looked down and sure enough drizzle wizzle all over the place. :)
I couldnt wait for Rick to call me on his lunch break so I could tell him about it. He laughed so hard. Which always makes me laugh even harder.
Here is a picture of my beatiful girls on their one week birthday!
They are Here!!!
Mommy holding Molly for the 1st time
Daddy holding Emma for the 1st time
Love my perfect family!!
I know so many of you have been anxious for updates and pictures and I do apologize for the delay. But what can I say? I have so much going on AND my computer has a virus so I have only had internet access when I have been around others with lap tops.
Here is an update:
The last week of my pregnancy I developed pre-eclampsia. For those who dont know, it is when the mothers blood pressure is so high that it can not provide proper blood supply to the baby.
In my case this was especially dangerous because of the TTTS the babies were already getting an inadequate blood supply.
For several weeks their TTTS remained stable but when it came back it came back hard. Emma lost over one pound in utero in just a day and Molly's body started to retain so much of the fluid that was in her sac. When she was born she was so swollen from all the fluid and Emma was so boney from losing so much weight.
I definitley feel that God saved them by having them come so early. It just was not safe for them to be inside me any longer.
Today they are both pretty equal in their weights and they look so much healthier today then they did a week ago.
I cant beleive my girls are already a week old. Somebody pinch me???
By the Grace of God i was able to deliver my girls naturally and I am SO thankful for this. Giving birth was the most amazing experience and I would love to relive that moment!
My labor progressed very quickly once my water broke.
I went from 4 cm to 9cm with in an hour.
It only took 2o minutes of pushing. The girls were one minute apart.
It took several days but now we are able to hold them and love on them and I absolutely love every second with each of them.
Rick and I spend almost every waking moment with them. And when we arent up there with them we are calling to check on them. We are so anxious for them to get well so they can come home!
An update on the girls alone is that Both girls are doing simply amazing and so far have no serious complications. God has been so gracious to us and I am thankful every second for Him keeping His hands over our girls.
Things could be so much worse than they are but infact they are so much better.
And I know its ONLY because of God keeping my girls in the palm of His hand.
Molly and Emma still have jaundice. Molly's was worse than Emma's so while Emma only needed one light for her treatment Molly needs two plus a billy blanket.
Their Billy Rubin ( dont even know that i spelled that correctly, its late and im tired) levels seem to be improving.
Molly has a heart valve that has not completely closed yet. When all babies are born this PDA valve closes when they take their first breath. Molly's still has a slight opening. It is common in premature babies but Emma did not have this. So my guess is that Molly's couldnt close due to all the extra fluid build up around her heart. The Dr's say that her opening is very small and they expect it to close over time.
Both girls have feeding tubes and have recentley started on breast milk through their tubes. They seem to be having a hard time digesting this as their bowels arent quite sure what to do with the food, so they are being watching closely with this.
They had a head ultra sound done yesterday morning and there was found to be a grade 1 of bleeding on their brain cavity. Again, this is said to be common in preemies and the bleeding has stopped so now it is just a bruise that should go away over time. They will be re-tested next Thursday to make sure that it is infact just a bruise and there is no continual bleeding going on.
Molly has lost all of the excess fluid her little body had obtained so that is good news. And Emma's body has reacted well to her blood transfusion so they do not foresee her needing another one.
Emma and Molly are both breathing 100% on their own and need no more assistance with oxygen.
They already have their own little personalities and I am just amazed by them every second of the day.
Sorry that I could not upload any more pics than this. It is late and this lap top is taking FOREVER to download. So I hope this keeps you satisfied until next time. :)
Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. All of you have been such a blessing and testimony to Rick and I.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Meeting them for the 1st time 3-20-10
Meeting Emma
Meeting Molly
When we entered NICU it was me rick my mom and dad.
Walking into the doors I felt overwhelemed because the babies were in 2 different rooms and I didnt know which room to go to first. I did NOT want to feel like i was choosing one over the other.
Thankfully the choice was made for me. The lady at the check in desk told me that the nurses were busy with Emma and that I would need to go see Molly.
So we walk in to see Molly and I just cried. There she was. My little baby girl who I waited and prayed so hard for. I opened up the door on her bed, held her hand, and just talked to her as if she could understand every word I was saying.
I then walked over to the next room to meet Miss Emma. The nurse was still at her bed side but I was able to still go up and see her.
She was so tiny and looked so sick almost but yet so perfect and beautiful. She had no weight to her face at all. My heart just broke for her. I sat down in a chair next to her bed and she wrapped her little hand around my finger and we just silently bonded.
Meeting them both was so sureal.
Emma since birth has a whole new healthier look to her. And so does Molly. Molly has lost over a pound all of which was the extra fluid build up inside her little body. She looks like a totally different baby. They both do. They are so strong and healthy now and nothing is really holding them back.
God is so wonderful.
Meeting Molly
When we entered NICU it was me rick my mom and dad.
Walking into the doors I felt overwhelemed because the babies were in 2 different rooms and I didnt know which room to go to first. I did NOT want to feel like i was choosing one over the other.
Thankfully the choice was made for me. The lady at the check in desk told me that the nurses were busy with Emma and that I would need to go see Molly.
So we walk in to see Molly and I just cried. There she was. My little baby girl who I waited and prayed so hard for. I opened up the door on her bed, held her hand, and just talked to her as if she could understand every word I was saying.
I then walked over to the next room to meet Miss Emma. The nurse was still at her bed side but I was able to still go up and see her.
She was so tiny and looked so sick almost but yet so perfect and beautiful. She had no weight to her face at all. My heart just broke for her. I sat down in a chair next to her bed and she wrapped her little hand around my finger and we just silently bonded.
Meeting them both was so sureal.
Emma since birth has a whole new healthier look to her. And so does Molly. Molly has lost over a pound all of which was the extra fluid build up inside her little body. She looks like a totally different baby. They both do. They are so strong and healthy now and nothing is really holding them back.
God is so wonderful.
Delivery 3-19-10
Before pushing...
After the last push
We get into the O.R and the first thing I asked was where is the NICU team? I did not want to push before they were there. It was just a matter of minutes and there was a team there for each baby.
My nurse was on one side holding my hand, My OB doctor was on the other side holding my other hand, Rick was behind me holding my head and then DR G was the one delivering.
As the contractions became even closer together I had to start pushing. Thank goodness for my Dr and Nurse there to coach me through it otherwise I would have been lost and fearful at the same time.
As each contraction started I had to take a deep breath and push with all I had while my OB Dr counted to ten. She counted to ten 3 times then to 5 once and then I was able to breathe before my next contraction.
Evenutally my contractions got so close I had no time to even breathe in between the counts.
Molly was turned side ways so she was making it a little difficult for me but I felt like I was pushing with all I had. Apparently I needed to give it a little more umph. I heard DR G ask someone to hand him the vaccum and I screamed..."No No No, I got this"
So he says okay Erika, Big push, you gotta give me a BIG push, we gotta get this baby out. Come on, PUSH"
SO with everything in me I Pushed and I hear my nurse and OB doctor say look look Erika here she comes. So I looked down and out little Miss Molly came. 10:48 pm 4lbs 2oz. I glanced back at Rick and He is crying like a baby and I am off to push again.
It only took one minute to push Miss Emma out. She tried to come out hands first. Rick said it was as if she were grabbing on to Molly's feet saying "wait for me" haha. When I looked down and saw her fall out I was joyful relieved and sad at the same time.
It was all over. My pregnancy, My TTTS, Complete Bed rest, hospital stays, amnio reductions, ultra sounds,feeling them move and grow inside of me, all of it was over.
Neither baby came out crying. But when we finally heard their 1st cry, Rick looked at me and said with such relief in his voice "she's crying" and then he continues to cry.
The nicu team gave us a quick glance as they took them off to nicu but they were laying in their isolettes and had stuff all over their face and I was laying completely opposite from where I could see them, so I really didnt see the girls other then when they were making their entrance into the world.
It took 20 minutes to push them both out. Which to me I deserve brownie points! haha It takes some women hours to push out just one. :)
Emma weighed 2lbs 13oz.
This was hard to hear and at the same time a blessing to hear. Just the day before they estimated their weights and Molly was born pretty much right on what they estimated her to be but within one day Emma lost a whole pound.
I knew that Friday March 19th was the day that my girls HAD to come. And while I was asking the DR to just take them for me, God confirmed it needed to be done by allowing my water to break on its own.
My preeclampsia and TTTS was just too much for the girls to take anymore.
Emma was loosing weight fast and Molly was retaining a whole lot of fluid under her skin and around her organs.
Even in just one week it is amazing how much different and healthier they look. Molly has lost all her extra fluid and Emma has a healthier weight gain look to her.
I am so glad that I was able to deliver them naturally. Besides walking down the aisle to meet my groom, it truly was the best thing ever to me.
I feel so accomplished. Especially because so many thought that because i was so tiny i couldnt do it. But I really did...:)
If I could go through the delivery all over again I would!
It wasnt near as hard as I had always imagined labor and delivery to be.
For me it was easy.
Once my water broke everything was smoothe sailing.
God gave me such a wonderful delivery experience to make up for the very hard pregnancy that I had, I am convinced. :)
After recovery they moved me back to my room and at this point no one had seen the babies yet. I was not able to go down there until I could walk and the epidural had not completely worn off yet. Not too mention I broke out with awful shakes and my temperture began to rise. It was near 102 and my blood pressure was insanely high. So I pretty much accepted that it would be the next day before I was allowed to see the babies.
I did not want Rick to have to wait. So I told him to go up to NICU and see them. He took the family with him. I was sad that everyone that was there got to see my girls before me but when they came back down Rick told me that because he got to see them first he wanted me to be the first to touch them. So he would not let anyone touch them, he didnt even touch them. Isnt he just a thoughtful husband?
I ended up needing to be on oxygen that night because I began wheezing and couldnt keep my oxygen level up. Thankfully that scare didnt last long.
The next day could not come fast enough. I was SO ready to meet my girls!!!!
After the last push
We get into the O.R and the first thing I asked was where is the NICU team? I did not want to push before they were there. It was just a matter of minutes and there was a team there for each baby.
My nurse was on one side holding my hand, My OB doctor was on the other side holding my other hand, Rick was behind me holding my head and then DR G was the one delivering.
As the contractions became even closer together I had to start pushing. Thank goodness for my Dr and Nurse there to coach me through it otherwise I would have been lost and fearful at the same time.
As each contraction started I had to take a deep breath and push with all I had while my OB Dr counted to ten. She counted to ten 3 times then to 5 once and then I was able to breathe before my next contraction.
Evenutally my contractions got so close I had no time to even breathe in between the counts.
Molly was turned side ways so she was making it a little difficult for me but I felt like I was pushing with all I had. Apparently I needed to give it a little more umph. I heard DR G ask someone to hand him the vaccum and I screamed..."No No No, I got this"
So he says okay Erika, Big push, you gotta give me a BIG push, we gotta get this baby out. Come on, PUSH"
SO with everything in me I Pushed and I hear my nurse and OB doctor say look look Erika here she comes. So I looked down and out little Miss Molly came. 10:48 pm 4lbs 2oz. I glanced back at Rick and He is crying like a baby and I am off to push again.
It only took one minute to push Miss Emma out. She tried to come out hands first. Rick said it was as if she were grabbing on to Molly's feet saying "wait for me" haha. When I looked down and saw her fall out I was joyful relieved and sad at the same time.
It was all over. My pregnancy, My TTTS, Complete Bed rest, hospital stays, amnio reductions, ultra sounds,feeling them move and grow inside of me, all of it was over.
Neither baby came out crying. But when we finally heard their 1st cry, Rick looked at me and said with such relief in his voice "she's crying" and then he continues to cry.
The nicu team gave us a quick glance as they took them off to nicu but they were laying in their isolettes and had stuff all over their face and I was laying completely opposite from where I could see them, so I really didnt see the girls other then when they were making their entrance into the world.
It took 20 minutes to push them both out. Which to me I deserve brownie points! haha It takes some women hours to push out just one. :)
Emma weighed 2lbs 13oz.
This was hard to hear and at the same time a blessing to hear. Just the day before they estimated their weights and Molly was born pretty much right on what they estimated her to be but within one day Emma lost a whole pound.
I knew that Friday March 19th was the day that my girls HAD to come. And while I was asking the DR to just take them for me, God confirmed it needed to be done by allowing my water to break on its own.
My preeclampsia and TTTS was just too much for the girls to take anymore.
Emma was loosing weight fast and Molly was retaining a whole lot of fluid under her skin and around her organs.
Even in just one week it is amazing how much different and healthier they look. Molly has lost all her extra fluid and Emma has a healthier weight gain look to her.
I am so glad that I was able to deliver them naturally. Besides walking down the aisle to meet my groom, it truly was the best thing ever to me.
I feel so accomplished. Especially because so many thought that because i was so tiny i couldnt do it. But I really did...:)
If I could go through the delivery all over again I would!
It wasnt near as hard as I had always imagined labor and delivery to be.
For me it was easy.
Once my water broke everything was smoothe sailing.
God gave me such a wonderful delivery experience to make up for the very hard pregnancy that I had, I am convinced. :)
After recovery they moved me back to my room and at this point no one had seen the babies yet. I was not able to go down there until I could walk and the epidural had not completely worn off yet. Not too mention I broke out with awful shakes and my temperture began to rise. It was near 102 and my blood pressure was insanely high. So I pretty much accepted that it would be the next day before I was allowed to see the babies.
I did not want Rick to have to wait. So I told him to go up to NICU and see them. He took the family with him. I was sad that everyone that was there got to see my girls before me but when they came back down Rick told me that because he got to see them first he wanted me to be the first to touch them. So he would not let anyone touch them, he didnt even touch them. Isnt he just a thoughtful husband?
I ended up needing to be on oxygen that night because I began wheezing and couldnt keep my oxygen level up. Thankfully that scare didnt last long.
The next day could not come fast enough. I was SO ready to meet my girls!!!!
Labor 3-19-10
Getting Ready For Delivery...He is just a little excited :-)
Going From The Delivery Room to the Operating Room...ready to PUSH! :)
I am going to post a few seperate posts so you dont get bored to tears reading one really LONG one.
I havent had a chance to blog these memories and I want to do so, so that later on I can look back and remember it all.
Im going to start with my Labor.
If you look back at my posts the Wednesday before I delivered I talked about how I felt i was in labor but the doctors werent convinced because there was no "cervical change"
Well I slept absolutley NONE wednesday night, and come thursday it was the same thing. Same pain, same discomfort, same restlessness and same results...no cervical change.
Well they did an ultra sound on thursday and Molly's fluids jumped up to 15cm..the most it had ever been and Emma was still around 1.9cm if i remember correctly.
This of course concerned me but because Emma still had some fluid there was no rush I guess for them to do an amnio??
Their weights however seemed fine. Emma was at 3lbs 15oz and Molly at 4lbs 6oz.
The pain and discomfort went on throughout the night and I could not sleep for more than 15 min at a time. Eventually it got to where I couldnt even sleep for 5 min. I would lay down and be so exhausted my eyes would shut on their own but then the pain would quickly snap me out of my drowsiness. Because I couldnt sleep, Rick couldnt either. He was constantly rubbing my back, holding me, rubbing my ever so swollen legs and feet, he really tried it all to help me get some relief. Nothing worked.
Friday morning around 5 am I told rick to call my mom. If there is anything she is good at it is being heard. And I wanted my doctors to HEAR Me. I was in LABOR and they wouldnt listen!
Well didnt get my mom so tried again later that afternoon and we got her.
She came to the hospital and with in 30 minutes of being there the Doctor came and saw me to discuss my options.
I kept having the words"deliver" come to my mind. I have been so scared my entire pregnancy of having preemie babies but this time it came over me and I just knew that preemie babies were going to much safer and healthier than babies who stayed inside me.
I knew my body was up to no good, I just couldnt pin point it.
Turns out when Dr G came in the room he informed that my tests results came back and I did infact have pre-eclampsia.
This is dangerous for both the babies and the mom if it gets out of control and mine was pretty outrageous. My blood pressure my whole pregnancy had been 90's over 60's. But this day it was 150's over 100's.
My blood pressure was so high that it could not supply any more blood flow to the babies which is why in one day Emma lost a whole pound.
Had anymore time gone by, she would have had no more weight to lose. She would have been gone. Not to mention, because of the TTTS she was already at a disadvantage of not having enough supply from the placenta to start with.
Anyways, DR G is in the room and suggest doing an amnio. Well I havent slept in over 2 days at this point because i hurt so bad i cant stay still. No way I can lay through an amnio.
I told him I just wanted him to deliver.
He asked me if i realized what I was asking...i was asking for babies who may struggle very hard in NICU if I do this.....medically speaking at 32 weeks yes i guess you could say thats what I was asking for.
But in my mind, I was just asking for my babies to be saved and I KNEW they were declining inside of me.
Dr G asked me if i would be willing to just try an amnio if he gave me an epidural to get through it. Hesitantly I said yes.
Well he walks out of the room to go get set up in labor and delivery for my amnio and right when He walked out I asked Rick to help me stand up because I really needed some relief in my back. So rick bends down and i put my arms around his neck and he slowly helps me stand up. When i stood up, I put my head in his chest and then BAM.
I looked him dead in the eyes, as nonchalant as could be and said...
My water just broke.
He looks down and water is gushing all over his feet and my mom is standing there next to us reminding us that "its okay, its okay"
I looked at Rick and said call my dad, call your mom.
Meanwhile mom ran into the hall to get the dr and about 5 nurses came running in my room. They laid me in the bed and literally ran me while in the bed down the halls to labor and delivery. The whole time my water is still leaking everywhere, pouring off the bed.
Nurses were slip and sliding all through it the entire way to the delivery room.
I get to the room and the nurses pick me up and place me in a clean dry bed but it didnt stay dry long my water was still gushing.
It came to be about a half a gallon of fluid that broke.
I had already dialated to 3-4 cm at this point so it wasnt long after I got into my new room that they came in to give me my epidural.
Looking back, I feel like i handled the labor and the epidural very well. I am a very anxious, panicy person and when i get nervous or scared I shake uncontrollably.
But throughout the entire process, my heart was at ease. And i didnt really ever panic.
I was very fortunate that one of the nurses that I REALLY LOVE was the nurse working that night. So she got to be with me through all this. Which that alone was a God thing because I had JUST thought to myself the day before I really hope that she is the one with me when I go into labor.
During the epidural my nurse held my hands and coached me through the contractions and breathing etc while they were sticking me.
Not long after the epidural kicked in, I felt much relief.
Doctor G came in to discuss if I was going natural or c section. In my heart I wanted natural in my mind i was scared because my OB before being trasferred to Dr G had told me all along C section was safest.
I really loved that OB too. When i found out she wasnt going to be my DR anymore through out my pregnancy I was bummed because I really wanted her to be the one to deliver. Like I said, I am a very nervous anxious person when i am scared and she has always been so great at talking me through things.
Well I told DR G that I needed a few minutes to think on it and so he stepped out the room and when he did my original OB came in all smiles. I was suprised to see her. She told me that she saw DR G in the hall and he told her that I was getting ready to deliver and even though I wasnt her patient anymore she asked him if she could help with my delivery!! What a HUGE blessing! I get my favorite DR and my favorite nurse! I really truly needed that because it really helped keep me calm and focused having them there.
Well I asked her about the natural vs C section thing and she said she only recommened c section at the time because I was high risk and thats what SHE was comfortable doing since she isnt a high risk dr. But since I was having a high risk dr handle my delivery she said to totally be okay with doing it natural because he is far more experienced than she.
So talking to her helped confirm what I wanted all along...we are going natural.
About 30 minutes after the epidural I felt this really strong amount of pressure and told someone to go get the dr. Well he comes in and checks me and says I was at 7cm and it would be about 45 more min...
He walks out the room and maybe 10-15 minutes later I was rushing family out the door to go find him because I really had to push!
he comes in and sure enough...it is time.
Once my water broke my labor took off fast!
Since having twins they still wanted me to deliver in the O.R. incase i needed an emergency c-section everything would be right there. So when they saw it was time for me to push they took my bed and wheeled me into the O.R.
And the fun begins...
Going From The Delivery Room to the Operating Room...ready to PUSH! :)
I am going to post a few seperate posts so you dont get bored to tears reading one really LONG one.
I havent had a chance to blog these memories and I want to do so, so that later on I can look back and remember it all.
Im going to start with my Labor.
If you look back at my posts the Wednesday before I delivered I talked about how I felt i was in labor but the doctors werent convinced because there was no "cervical change"
Well I slept absolutley NONE wednesday night, and come thursday it was the same thing. Same pain, same discomfort, same restlessness and same results...no cervical change.
Well they did an ultra sound on thursday and Molly's fluids jumped up to 15cm..the most it had ever been and Emma was still around 1.9cm if i remember correctly.
This of course concerned me but because Emma still had some fluid there was no rush I guess for them to do an amnio??
Their weights however seemed fine. Emma was at 3lbs 15oz and Molly at 4lbs 6oz.
The pain and discomfort went on throughout the night and I could not sleep for more than 15 min at a time. Eventually it got to where I couldnt even sleep for 5 min. I would lay down and be so exhausted my eyes would shut on their own but then the pain would quickly snap me out of my drowsiness. Because I couldnt sleep, Rick couldnt either. He was constantly rubbing my back, holding me, rubbing my ever so swollen legs and feet, he really tried it all to help me get some relief. Nothing worked.
Friday morning around 5 am I told rick to call my mom. If there is anything she is good at it is being heard. And I wanted my doctors to HEAR Me. I was in LABOR and they wouldnt listen!
Well didnt get my mom so tried again later that afternoon and we got her.
She came to the hospital and with in 30 minutes of being there the Doctor came and saw me to discuss my options.
I kept having the words"deliver" come to my mind. I have been so scared my entire pregnancy of having preemie babies but this time it came over me and I just knew that preemie babies were going to much safer and healthier than babies who stayed inside me.
I knew my body was up to no good, I just couldnt pin point it.
Turns out when Dr G came in the room he informed that my tests results came back and I did infact have pre-eclampsia.
This is dangerous for both the babies and the mom if it gets out of control and mine was pretty outrageous. My blood pressure my whole pregnancy had been 90's over 60's. But this day it was 150's over 100's.
My blood pressure was so high that it could not supply any more blood flow to the babies which is why in one day Emma lost a whole pound.
Had anymore time gone by, she would have had no more weight to lose. She would have been gone. Not to mention, because of the TTTS she was already at a disadvantage of not having enough supply from the placenta to start with.
Anyways, DR G is in the room and suggest doing an amnio. Well I havent slept in over 2 days at this point because i hurt so bad i cant stay still. No way I can lay through an amnio.
I told him I just wanted him to deliver.
He asked me if i realized what I was asking...i was asking for babies who may struggle very hard in NICU if I do this.....medically speaking at 32 weeks yes i guess you could say thats what I was asking for.
But in my mind, I was just asking for my babies to be saved and I KNEW they were declining inside of me.
Dr G asked me if i would be willing to just try an amnio if he gave me an epidural to get through it. Hesitantly I said yes.
Well he walks out of the room to go get set up in labor and delivery for my amnio and right when He walked out I asked Rick to help me stand up because I really needed some relief in my back. So rick bends down and i put my arms around his neck and he slowly helps me stand up. When i stood up, I put my head in his chest and then BAM.
I looked him dead in the eyes, as nonchalant as could be and said...
My water just broke.
He looks down and water is gushing all over his feet and my mom is standing there next to us reminding us that "its okay, its okay"
I looked at Rick and said call my dad, call your mom.
Meanwhile mom ran into the hall to get the dr and about 5 nurses came running in my room. They laid me in the bed and literally ran me while in the bed down the halls to labor and delivery. The whole time my water is still leaking everywhere, pouring off the bed.
Nurses were slip and sliding all through it the entire way to the delivery room.
I get to the room and the nurses pick me up and place me in a clean dry bed but it didnt stay dry long my water was still gushing.
It came to be about a half a gallon of fluid that broke.
I had already dialated to 3-4 cm at this point so it wasnt long after I got into my new room that they came in to give me my epidural.
Looking back, I feel like i handled the labor and the epidural very well. I am a very anxious, panicy person and when i get nervous or scared I shake uncontrollably.
But throughout the entire process, my heart was at ease. And i didnt really ever panic.
I was very fortunate that one of the nurses that I REALLY LOVE was the nurse working that night. So she got to be with me through all this. Which that alone was a God thing because I had JUST thought to myself the day before I really hope that she is the one with me when I go into labor.
During the epidural my nurse held my hands and coached me through the contractions and breathing etc while they were sticking me.
Not long after the epidural kicked in, I felt much relief.
Doctor G came in to discuss if I was going natural or c section. In my heart I wanted natural in my mind i was scared because my OB before being trasferred to Dr G had told me all along C section was safest.
I really loved that OB too. When i found out she wasnt going to be my DR anymore through out my pregnancy I was bummed because I really wanted her to be the one to deliver. Like I said, I am a very nervous anxious person when i am scared and she has always been so great at talking me through things.
Well I told DR G that I needed a few minutes to think on it and so he stepped out the room and when he did my original OB came in all smiles. I was suprised to see her. She told me that she saw DR G in the hall and he told her that I was getting ready to deliver and even though I wasnt her patient anymore she asked him if she could help with my delivery!! What a HUGE blessing! I get my favorite DR and my favorite nurse! I really truly needed that because it really helped keep me calm and focused having them there.
Well I asked her about the natural vs C section thing and she said she only recommened c section at the time because I was high risk and thats what SHE was comfortable doing since she isnt a high risk dr. But since I was having a high risk dr handle my delivery she said to totally be okay with doing it natural because he is far more experienced than she.
So talking to her helped confirm what I wanted all along...we are going natural.
About 30 minutes after the epidural I felt this really strong amount of pressure and told someone to go get the dr. Well he comes in and checks me and says I was at 7cm and it would be about 45 more min...
He walks out the room and maybe 10-15 minutes later I was rushing family out the door to go find him because I really had to push!
he comes in and sure enough...it is time.
Once my water broke my labor took off fast!
Since having twins they still wanted me to deliver in the O.R. incase i needed an emergency c-section everything would be right there. So when they saw it was time for me to push they took my bed and wheeled me into the O.R.
And the fun begins...
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Almost There...
Im not sure how much longer or how often I will be able to keep everyone updated. It seems my laptop has a terrible virus it takes me 30 tries just to get to one website. I sure hope that it doesnt crash and I end up losing all my files. That would be a nightmare.
Monday night around 9pm I started having really bad back pain. At first I just blamed it on Emma being stuck up under my ribs but then over the course of hours the pain intesified and I just knew it...labor.
I was up all night long and all day the next day literally.
The Doctors came in and tried different remedies to help my contractions and pain stop and none of it worked so Dr Brown came in to check my cervix and it was still 2cm nice and closed. So he gave me some meds for pain and told me to try and rest because contractions without cervical change is just contractions...contractions with cervical change is labor.
Ok Dr B, Ill buy that line for a few hours but then dagum it, I want this pain to stop! The meds he gave me knocked me out for all of maybe an hour or two by this time it was 5am and I have been doing this since 9pm the night before.
So I doze off for a bit then get woke back up with the pain. Called the Dr back in, they checked my cervix again and yep Im in labor. I have already dialated 1cm.
Now I realize that some people dialate at 1cm and sometimes 3 or 4 and stay that way for a while, but really what are the odds with 2 babies inside of me, all the extra fluids, and being almost 32 weeks that I would really stay at 1cm for several weeks?
So they transfered me back over to labor and delivery and hooked me up to magnesium and I had been off that stuff so long that being hooked back up to it is like the first time all over again. Im flush, dry mouth, drowsy, drunk, slightly blurred vision, and lets not even mention the swelling. My right leg and foot imparticular are huge. And I have the hardest time getting in and out of the bed now. I literally have to roll out while someone is helping pull me. And then Roll back in while someone adjusts my legs and by the time I do all that I am completely out of breath.
I have to use the bathroom about every 30 minutes and this is no joke so you can imagine the stress i go through getting in and out of the bed so many times. I am seriously asking the DR to cath me because my body just cant take this. I am sleep deprived from having to pee so much!
For now the magnesium has seemed to slow the contractions. I am still praying for that 34 weeks but honestly I am truly thankful God has brought my girls this far.
A lady here in the middle of the night delivered at 26 weeks and my heart just broke for her. I remember being 26 weeks and how scared I was. She and her baby have been on my mind a lot. Please pray that her baby will become a NICU champ.
When I heard that I was reminded of what someone very dear to me told me not too long ago... " You have a lot to be thankful for. A lot of women cant even carry one baby and God has blessed you with the ability to carry two"
Thank you Mr Murray for that.
Last night when I heard about this other lady, it really made 32 weeks sound not so bad. Not that I want them here this early, but I am thankful that God has allowed them to get to this point. Because it could be a lot worse.
They checked their fluids early this morning...at like 3:30am. See what I mean...NO sleep around here. :)
Molly had 7.8cm and Emma had 2.9
Their fluid levels could be a lot worse so I am thankful for these measurements. Their fluids are staying at a consistency where another amnio is not needed and that is a good thing because I can assure you one more of those things and these babies are coming.
I got to see Emma's face again on the ultra sound. She is just so darn pretty. I get so excited when I get clear pictures of their faces. Molly is head down right now in a way that we cant see her face. But all too soon I will be seeing both their faces pressed against mine while giving them tons of kisses. :)
Please continue to pray that God protects both my girls and that they can enter into the world safely and healthy.
32 weeks tomorrow!!!! YAY! God is able and God is Good!
We are almost there...I cant wait to meet my miracle babies.
Monday night around 9pm I started having really bad back pain. At first I just blamed it on Emma being stuck up under my ribs but then over the course of hours the pain intesified and I just knew it...labor.
I was up all night long and all day the next day literally.
The Doctors came in and tried different remedies to help my contractions and pain stop and none of it worked so Dr Brown came in to check my cervix and it was still 2cm nice and closed. So he gave me some meds for pain and told me to try and rest because contractions without cervical change is just contractions...contractions with cervical change is labor.
Ok Dr B, Ill buy that line for a few hours but then dagum it, I want this pain to stop! The meds he gave me knocked me out for all of maybe an hour or two by this time it was 5am and I have been doing this since 9pm the night before.
So I doze off for a bit then get woke back up with the pain. Called the Dr back in, they checked my cervix again and yep Im in labor. I have already dialated 1cm.
Now I realize that some people dialate at 1cm and sometimes 3 or 4 and stay that way for a while, but really what are the odds with 2 babies inside of me, all the extra fluids, and being almost 32 weeks that I would really stay at 1cm for several weeks?
So they transfered me back over to labor and delivery and hooked me up to magnesium and I had been off that stuff so long that being hooked back up to it is like the first time all over again. Im flush, dry mouth, drowsy, drunk, slightly blurred vision, and lets not even mention the swelling. My right leg and foot imparticular are huge. And I have the hardest time getting in and out of the bed now. I literally have to roll out while someone is helping pull me. And then Roll back in while someone adjusts my legs and by the time I do all that I am completely out of breath.
I have to use the bathroom about every 30 minutes and this is no joke so you can imagine the stress i go through getting in and out of the bed so many times. I am seriously asking the DR to cath me because my body just cant take this. I am sleep deprived from having to pee so much!
For now the magnesium has seemed to slow the contractions. I am still praying for that 34 weeks but honestly I am truly thankful God has brought my girls this far.
A lady here in the middle of the night delivered at 26 weeks and my heart just broke for her. I remember being 26 weeks and how scared I was. She and her baby have been on my mind a lot. Please pray that her baby will become a NICU champ.
When I heard that I was reminded of what someone very dear to me told me not too long ago... " You have a lot to be thankful for. A lot of women cant even carry one baby and God has blessed you with the ability to carry two"
Thank you Mr Murray for that.
Last night when I heard about this other lady, it really made 32 weeks sound not so bad. Not that I want them here this early, but I am thankful that God has allowed them to get to this point. Because it could be a lot worse.
They checked their fluids early this morning...at like 3:30am. See what I mean...NO sleep around here. :)
Molly had 7.8cm and Emma had 2.9
Their fluid levels could be a lot worse so I am thankful for these measurements. Their fluids are staying at a consistency where another amnio is not needed and that is a good thing because I can assure you one more of those things and these babies are coming.
I got to see Emma's face again on the ultra sound. She is just so darn pretty. I get so excited when I get clear pictures of their faces. Molly is head down right now in a way that we cant see her face. But all too soon I will be seeing both their faces pressed against mine while giving them tons of kisses. :)
Please continue to pray that God protects both my girls and that they can enter into the world safely and healthy.
32 weeks tomorrow!!!! YAY! God is able and God is Good!
We are almost there...I cant wait to meet my miracle babies.
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