Victim to Victor

About a month or so ago, I shared with all of you that I had learned that there were 3 other moms who are patients of my DR and are also battling TTTS. These moms have been heavy on my heart since the day I learned about them.
I had a check up today and asked about how those Moms and babies are doing. I learned that 2 of the 3 moms have delivered their babies and their babies were as early as 26 weeks.

The most recent mom that delivered had to do so because one of her babies was going into congestive heart failure. Hearing that, once again, brought back so many painful memories.

I remember like it was 5 minutes ago, the day Dr G came into my room when I was about 25 weeks along and he told me that there was a possibility that one of my babies could go into heart failure and in the event that happened they needed to know now if I wanted them to intervene and deliver both babies or if I wanted to just let nature run its course.

Asking them to intervene to save the baby whose heart is failing is putting the other baby at risk for having to struggle outside the womb due to being born that early. So basically they were asking do I harm one to save the other. That was such an awful day for me. And thankfully, I was spared of having to make that terrible decision. However, this mom had to make that call because her baby did go into heart failure and ugh...my heart just breaks all over again.

However, both of her babies are in NICU and though they will be there for a while, they are stabilized and for that I rejoice.

My DR said that all 6 of the babies are stable at this point and that makes me so happy that just as God saved my babies He is also working on these other babies as well.

It is so hard for me to hear about other moms going thru TTTS because it makes me relive all the painful emotions I went through. I dont think my heart will ever fully recover from the pain I experienced during my pregnancy. And perhaps God wants these memories to never fade too far because the fresher they are the more I will remember to give Him thanks...and the more I can feel what other moms are feeling who may need my experience to bring them hope.

Driving home today I passed by the hospital where I was and where I know those babies are and I just cried. I remember what it did to me to see my girls at 32 weeks in those isolettes the 1st time hooked up to all of those tubes and oxygen masks, and when my mind wondered what those 26 weekers looked like tears just streamed down my face.

I know that my precious babies are no longer a victim of TTTS but that they are now victors because thru God they have overcome that awful disease. I am thankful to Him every moment of the day that he has brought my babies so far. My babies arent just ANY baby. They are definite miracles. They are proof that there IS a God. They are gifts.

And I know that we went through this so that God could be glorified. And I know that everytime I hear about another mom going through it, I am suppose to pray and praise.

I dont think that God wants me to just remember this experience as painful and I dont think He wants me to get sad everytime I am reminded of it.

My story is a story of Grace. My story is a story of God's goodness and His mercy. And perhaps maybe these are the parts of my story that God wants me to hold on too?

Im just pondering thoughts. I dont really know exactly what all God wants me to take from this. I do know that this journey is by far the hardest thing i have ever been through and when you go through something so intense that it literally breaks you, shakes you to the core, touches your soul, and changes your inner being...it is very hard to forget all of those emotions that came with that process. I know one day I will be able to ask God what His ultimate purpose was. But until that day, my heart will bleed for every mother experiencing TTTS.

Please pray for these 3 women in particular. And pray for the 4 babies who have already been delivered and are being treated in NICU. Pray that God would help their bodies over come every obstacle that they are facing and pray that God guides the parents and doctors in what decisions to make for the sake of these little lives who are fighting to pull through and pray that it wont be long before their parents can take them home.

Also pray for the mom who is still pregnant. Pray that TTTS will not win this war and pray that this mom is surrounded by people who encourage her and love her. Pray that she can be strong for her babies. And pray that her babies will come out strong and healthy in the end!